look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide
by shelivesfree
Summary: Each time he comes back to her, a little piece of him is missing... left out there, in the field, with his brothers. She can see it in the way he smiles and it doesn't reach his eyes. In the way he cries to himself when he thinks she's not awake. And all she can do is hold him. Modern AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** Anakin is a soldier in the US army. Padme is his wife who is left at home. This is a series of little vignettes about how they cope with the separation, and the toll the war plays on Anakin. A little story about how the bonds of love and family can bring a man out of even his darkest places. Warning: Will get quite dark in later chapters. May contain possible triggers.

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

Padme shivers. It's summer, a beautiful, glorious morning, but all she feels is _cold._ Her entire body is frozen, not even her mug of coffee can warm her hands. Sipping at it timidly, she stares out the window, listening to the sound of Anakin having a shower. It's the last time she'll hear that noise; that comforting patter of water as it hits the cold tiles, the deep hum of Anakin's voice as he sings to himself, like he always does. It's the last time she'll be able to join him, to fuck like horny teenagers, or to wash each other like gentle lovers. Both of those options have been stripped from her now, and there's nothing Padme can do about it.

He appears a few minutes later, miles and miles of gorgeous tanned skin exposed for her viewing pleasure with only a fresh towel wrapped loosely around his waist. His blonde hair is adorably disheveled and damp, sticking up at odd angles from where he shook his head repeatedly, like he always does. Padme takes the opportunity to drink him in, the beautiful form of her husband, of the man she loves. She makes sure to memorise every inch of him, from the colour of his nipples, to the shape of his lips, to the brilliant hue of his beautiful, blue eyes. It's pointless, really, because she's already committed him to memory, knows him inside and out, but there's this burning _pressure_ that weighs down on her, as though if she doesn't re-familiarise herself with him, then maybe she'll forget what he looks like.

He smiles her favourite smile, the one that makes the corners of his eyes pinch and crinkle like tiny folds of paper and crosses the room in two long strides. Standing before her, he bends to kiss her cheek and hums, "Good morning, Angel," in a soft, affectionate voice. Padme shudders again at the words; it's the last time she'll hear that simple greeting, and the realisation makes her want to cry.

She keeps herself together though, for his sake, and smiles weakly up at him, handing him his own mug of coffee. He takes it from her, sips at it, and then leans up against the kitchen counter, studying her. His gaze is white hot against her skin, she can feel it, and she turns her head away, so she doesn't feel the full brunt of his worried stare. Once again, she stares out of the window of their perfect little house, into their perfect little front yard and their perfect little street. She'd thought that she had finally done it, made herself the perfect life – that if she'd found herself a nice little house to live in, in a nice little neighbourhood, that she wouldn't feel as lonely when Anakin was gone. It had been a foolish thought. No white picket fences, or amiable neighbours, or delightful rose gardens can ever hope to replace her husband. _He_ makes her life perfect, and without him, she is empty.

"Do you have to go?" she whispers quietly, barely audible, and she wonders if he even heard her at all.

The response is instantaneous. At once, his hand is on her shoulder, warm, roughened fingers massaging her narrow bones gently. "Padme," he calls to her and she can't help but glance up at him. Concerned blue eyes meet her own, miserable brown ones and she sinks her teeth into the cushion of her bottom lip to keep it from quivering. "Look at me." His hand moves up her shoulder to take hold of her face. "It's only eighteen months," he reminds her, trying for optimistic, but it fails. "I'll be back home to you before you know it."

She whimpers and her self-control disintegrates as she blurts out her greatest fear, "But what if you don't come back?"

A firm grimace thins his lips and he places his mug on the counter, before pulling her into his arms, smothering her in his warm, slightly damp skin. Her frame moulds to his as tears leak from her eyes and rain down against his bare chest. She basks in his embrace, holds him for the longest time, because it's the last time she can do this, and she never wants this moment to end.

Anakin presses his lips to her hair and rubs his hands soothingly up and down her back. "I will," he vows and she tips her head back to look up at him. "I promise you, Padme. I will always come back to you."

Though sweet, his promise is empty and they both know it. There's no certainty that he will return. Wars are terrible and horrifying and young soldiers die every day. Still, Padme decides to deny that fact and simply stretches up on her toes to kiss her husband's soft lips for the last time.

"I love you, Anakin," she whispers her own promise into his mouth as her hands move up his back to twine in his still-damp hair.

Because it's the only thing that is true. He might not come back, there is no certainty of that, but she will always love him. _Always._


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** I've currently got a lot of inspiration for this little fic at the moment, so I'm just going to keep pumping these out until it leaves me. I hope everyone is okay with that. There'll be quite a lot of time jumping in this fic - just little snippets of Padme's life. Thank you for all the support so far. Please keep it up! :)

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

It's always a welcome distraction when her sister comes to visit. Padme _adores_ her nieces and needs their company more than she's willing to let on to anyone else. Sola Naberrie is more perceptive than most, though, and Padme's loneliness doesn't get past her. The two sisters sit out on the front porch in the matching white rocking chairs Padme just purchased from _Home Depot,_ sipping coffee and watching little Ryoo and Pooja playing in the front yard. Padme admires them fondly. Children are something that is _definitely_ in their future; she and Anakin had _many_ conversations about starting a family before he was deployed. Of course, she is worried about having to raise a child on her own, basically, with her husband constantly being away. She worries about what that would do to their child, if that is a fair thing to do? A right thing to do?

"How long has it been?" Sola asks quietly.

Padme brings her legs up to her chest, crosses her ankles and takes a sip of her coffee. "Two weeks," is her soft response. That was the last time Anakin had contacted her. It had been a short Skype call, barely longer than a couple of minutes. He'd told her that he was embarking on a new mission, though he couldn't tell her where he was going and he didn't know how long he'd be gone for, only that he would contact her as soon as he was back at the base.

That was two weeks ago. The anxiety is eating her alive. Her dreams are filled with _what ifs_... if he'd been hurt in some way, or taken prisoner or worse...if he'd been _killed._ Try as she might not to dwell on the latter, it is nearly impossible. It haunts her every waking moment and has every day since he'd left. She can _barely_ concentrate at work, and is thankful she is resigned to a mundane receptionist job rather than something that requires her complete attention.

Sola reaches across and takes hold of her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm _sure_ he's fine," she soothes her, somehow reading her thoughts. "It won't be long now."

Her sweet gesture only makes Padme scowl into her mug. It is easy for Sola to say; her sister's husband is an architect, a relatively safe and secure occupation. There is no need to worry for his life, wonder if he is _never_ going to come home again. Although she means well, Sola just doesn't understand. No one can, only the wives or girlfriends of other soldiers. Satine, the wife of Anakin's commanding officer, Ben Kenobi, is the _only_ person Padme feels she can fully confide in. The only person who understands the sleepless nights, the nightmares, the crippling anxiety Padme is dealing with daily.

Still, she appreciates her sister's concern all the same and gives her a watery smile of gratitude. At least she has her family to help her through this. Sola visits as often as she can spare, with or without the girls, and her parents are constantly inviting her around to dinner. There are _many_ women she knows in this military community who don't have this luxury. But, Padme _hates_ being pitied; she doesn't want her sister or her parents feeling _sorry_ for her that Anakin is away on deployment. It's the way of her life, and she has to grin and bear it, regardless of how painful it is to be apart from Anakin for so long.

"When is he supposed to come home?" Sola queries a little while after, breaking the still silence that exists between the two sisters, interrupted only by the occasional peal of laughter from the girls chasing each other around the yard.

A tiny, hopeful smile pulls at Padme's lips, and she rests her chin on her drawn-up knees, staring off into the horizon as the sun slowly makes it's descent behind the pretty, white rooves of the neighbouring houses. "Eight months." She says it almost wistfully. A part of her hopes that _somehow_ , he'll be allowed to come home earlier, but either way, they've made it over the hurdle. He's already been away for ten months, what's another eight?

"It won't be long now," her sister repeats again, as it's all she really knows how to say. Padme doesn't mind.

Instead, she lets her legs drop back to the concrete floor of the porch and stands up, stretching slowly, before fixing her sister with a kind smile. "Did you and the girls want to stay for dinner?" Darred, Sola's husband, is away on a business trip, and, if Padme is being honest with herself, she doesn't feel like being alone in her house tonight.

Brightening at the suggestion, Sola smiles at her and stands as well, calling to her daughters to come inside, as it's beginning to get dark. "I'd love to, Padme," she says sincerely, and the two sisters head back inside to organize dinner. For there's no reason for two women to spend the night alone while their husbands are away, when they can spend the night together.

It's _nice_ , and her sister and nieces end up staying the night; the two girls in the spare room, and Sola shares the bed with Padme. The last time they shared the same bed was when they were teenagers, when Padme used to crawl into her sister's bed in the middle of the night, and they'd stay up for hours, talking about boys and their 'troubles' and anything else that plagues the tender mind of a fourteen year old girl. Such things seem trivial now.

But, it brings Padme a sense of comfort to fall asleep next to her older sister again, and, for the first time in ten months, she is free from nightmares.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Another little snippet for you. Hope you enjoy!

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

He _can_ ' _t_ get enough of her tonight. Anakin _barely_ makes it through the front door of the house, dropping his duffel bag and kicking off his combat boots, before she is hauled into his arms and he is pawing at her clothes, mashing his mouth against hers with raw _need_. She finds herself pinned against the nearest wall, a helpless victim under the onslaught of his passionate attentions, and she surrenders to him willingly. As he nips and sucks at her throat, all the while bunching her dress up to smooth his hands along her stomach, she wonders if they'll actually make it to the bed. Not that she _minds_. After eighteen long, lonely, painful months without her beloved husband's touch, she feels like she's a sixteen year old virgin again, and he is touching her for the first time. _Every_ demanding caress of his callused fingers sends electricity tingling along her skin and shooting up her spine.

It's not long before her panties are ripped off and thrown over his shoulder, and his pants pool around his ankles, before he hoists her up by her thighs and surges into her, pressing her firmly back against the wall. She lets out a long, drawn out moan and rakes her nails down his back, still encased in his khaki fatigues, as her legs come up to wrap around his waist tightly. It's over quickly, but Anakin's hunger for her hasn't abated, not in the eighteen months he's been away. Still with her wrapped around him, he kicks off his pants, pulls back from the wall, and with his hands still cupping under her thighs, he carries her upstairs to their room and lays her gently down on their bed. Padme takes this moment to fully shed her clothes, and Anakin does as well, before he climbs over her and eagerly seals his lips to hers, plundering her soft, sweet mouth like a man dying of _hunger_.

He drinks from her mouth with a ravenous thirst, as his hands skim along the contours of her skin, re-acquainting himself with every inch of his beloved wife's body, and Padme can't think, can't _breathe_. She's barely aware of _anything_ except the wonderful sensations he's stirring deep inside her, sensations she hasn't felt for eighteen lonely months. His touch alone is enough to bring her over the edge, and she falls, again and again, to the way he manipulates her body with finely-tuned skill, skill that hasn't faded in all the time they've been apart.

He makes love to her _so_ beautifully, _so_ passionately. Her name falls from his lips like a prayer, chanted repeatedly in a hoarse groan, as though he's relishing the chance to actually say her name aloud, and Padme has _never_ heard a more beautiful sound in all her life. He talks to her in hushed whispers, tells her how much he's _missed_ her, how much he _loves_ her and _only_ her, tells her _all_ the things he's wanted to _do_ to her and could only dream about while he's been away. It turns Padme into a puddle of wanton lust beneath him, and _all_ she can do is breathlessly cry out his name into the encroaching dusk.

Only when they are completely spent and physically unable to move any longer, do they stop and Anakin collapses on top of her in a tangle of sweaty, exhausted limbs. Still, Padme can't help but continue to touch him. She hasn't had the _luxury_ of holding him in her arms like this for _so, so_ long, and she doesn't want to take it for granted. Her fingers smooth up along the hard muscles of his back in a whisper soft touch, tease his short blonde hair, caress the sharp line of his jaw and the roughness of his cheeks, thumbs at his kiss-swollen lips and the thick ridge of his brow. There's now a scar over his right eye that wasn't there before he left, and she traces the line delicately, a pang of sadness clutching at her heart at the sight of a mark on her husband's handsome face. She wonders how many other scars he has, and makes an effort to roll him off of her so that she can fully study him in the orange glow of sunset spilling in through their bedroom window blinds.

He lies there quietly as she explores his body from head to toe, watching her affectionately, knowing she _needs_ to see all of him and make sure he is _truly_ alright. There are several white scars across his chest, a large one over his shoulder, and his tanned skin is dotted with bruises in various stages of healing. A deep gash is healing on his left leg, having been sutured at some point, and she bites her lip at the sight of it, wondering what had happened to him and knowing he likely _can_ ' _t_ tell her how he got hurt. The sight of so many blemishes, scars, and bruises on Anakin's body makes her want to cry, and she sniffs back the tears, determined _not_ to let it phase her. He notices though, as he notices everything about her, and takes her hand, bringing it up to his mouth, kissing her fingers gently.

"It's _alright_ , Padme," he tells her softly. "It's not that bad. It looks worse than it is."

His words of comfort send her over the edge, though, and she begins sobbing, tears spilling down her cheeks, and then suddenly, she leans down and throws her arms around his neck, lying across his body, knees braced beside his hips on the bed. She kisses him everywhere, all over his cheeks and his nose and his forehead, nuzzling his earlobe and neck, before finally sliding her lips across his stubbled jaw and taking his mouth with hers. It's wet, and it's desperate, but Anakin doesn't seem to mind, for his hands come up to rest on her hips possessively, and he pulls her more firmly on top of him, and lets her kiss away her sorrow, comforting her as _only_ he can.

When she finally breaks away, he cups her cheek gently and brushes away her stray tears with his thumb. She whimpers at the tender action. She'd missed _this_ the most, that feeling of being _loved_ so wholly and surely. "You promised you'd come back to me, Ani" she whispered, casting her eyes over to the angry scar over his eye. "You _promised._ "

A sad smile curves his lips, and he cards his fingers through her long chestnut hair with loving affection, twining his hands in her curls. "I _did_ come back to you, Angel," he reminds her. "I'm right _here_."

Her fingers once again trace his scar. "But...they've taken a piece of you from me," she argues, miserable and angry at the same time. She's not sure _who_ she's referring to – the enemy, the army, the people who began this war. It's all one and the same to Padme. Whoever _they_ are, _they_ ripped her husband from her and didn't even have the courtesy to bring him back all in one piece. For _that_ , she will _never_ forgive them.

Anakin stretches his neck up to kiss her lips softly. "Hey," he murmurs against her mouth. "It doesn't _matter_ , Angel. **All** that matters is _this._ " He takes her hand, the hand wearing her wedding ring, and places it over his steadily beating heart. "They can do whatever they want to my body. It's just flesh. It doesn't mean _anything_ ," he dismisses with a smile. "But, I'll **never** stop loving _you_. I could break all the bones in my body. I could get third degree burns. But, my _heart_ , my _soul_ _…_ _that_ will **always** come back to you, Padme. It's yours. Always _yours_."

Somehow, he says _exactly_ what she needs to hear; he always has. Unable to find any words to express what she's _feeling_ , of how full of love her heart is, they share a tender smile before she presses her lips against his heart, feels the steady _thrum_ vibrating against her mouth. The action says all it needs to…

… _mine._


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** I'm enjoying writing this so much, can't you tell? I don't think I've ever updated this quickly ever. IN any story I've every written. Anyway, enjoy this chapter. A little background into our gorgeous couple, as well as some quiet romance because _god_ knows they need it after 18 months apart.

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

"Honey, I'm home!" Padme calls out, as she opens the front door. After a long, boring day at work, _all_ she wants to do is kick off her heels, order Chinese takeout and curl up on the sofa with Anakin, watching trashy reality T.V. until they fall asleep. Her husband, it seems, has other ideas, for he appears from out of the kitchen, a wide grin on his face, blue eyes sparkling, and an apron around his lean waist, looking thoroughly pleased with himself.

"Hey, beautiful," he greets her cheerfully and approaches her in three long strides, cups her face in his hands and lays a sweet kiss on her mouth. "How was work?"

She makes a face up at him, and he chuckles at her expression. "Long," she grumbles, shrugging off her coat and bending down to take off her black, three inch pumps. Her feet almost _sigh_ in relief at the feeling of standing on solid, flat ground again, and she wiggles her cramped toes. "How was your day?"

Anakin shrugs nonchalantly. "Pretty good. Went for a run this morning, then went to the gym. Stopped by the commissary on the way home and picked up a few groceries. Spent most of the rest of the day catching up on all those episodes of the Game of Thrones I missed while I was away," he winks at her, and she rolls her eyes. He is borderline _obsessed_ with that show. " _And_...I made dinner."

 _So, that's why he's wearing an apron,_ Padme thinks to herself with a smile. "Oh, _Ani_ …" she beams up at him with loving eyes. "You didn't have to do that, Honey."

He bends to kiss her cheek, his hand settling on her waist. "I wanted to surprise my beautiful wife," he whispers tenderly in her ear, and it makes her giggle with giddy affection.

 _How_ did she get so **lucky** to call Anakin Skywalker _hers_? He's _so_ sweet and romantic to her, a perfect husband if there ever was one. It's not uncommon that he does things like this, just _little_ things, little gestures that only reiterate just _how much_ he loves her. He's been doing it since they were fifteen, surprising her with flowers in her school locker, or little love notes during class, or bringing her chocolate and tampons when she was on her period.

When they got older and he got his license, he would take her out for ice-cream in the middle of the night at Dairy Queen, or drive them up to Lookout Pointe near the lake, and they'd lie in the back of his Toyota truck, watching the stars. They'd made love for the first time, when they were sixteen and nervous and shy, taking each other's virginity, up there under the stars, in the back of his truck. He'd been so prepared, with blankets and candles and pillows and, even now, so many years later, it _still_ brought the most loving smile to her lips at the memory. In that same location, two years later, he'd gotten down on one knee at sunset and proposed to her with his grandmother's engagement ring, and there'd been _no_ doubt in Padme's mind about her answer. Six months later, they'd married in a simple but sweet ceremony in her parent's backyard with just close family and friends to help them celebrate. _Everyone_ said they wouldn't last, that nineteen was _too_ _young_ to get married. Yet, here they are, _still_ as in love as they were when they were fifteen, even more so, if that is possible, and Padme _knows_ that it will never go away. She and Anakin are going to last _forever._

"Come," he says, taking hold of her hand, and he pulls her into the dining room. It's arranged beautifully, with three tall candles flickering in the center of the mahogany table, and there, in front of her seat, is a bouquet of twelve, fragrant, long-stemmed, red roses. Her eyes grow moist at the sight, and she lets out a choked sob.

" _Anakin…_ " she turns to look up at him, and her heart flutters in her chest at the way he's looking at her, like she's his _only_ focus, the _only_ thing that matters to him in the entire world. It's a look she'll **never** get tired of seeing.

He gives her hand a squeeze, and then pulls out her seat, before helping her sit down with his hands resting gently on her shoulders. She feels his breath hot and heavy on her neck as he nuzzles adorably into her hair, fingers digging into the tense muscles of her shoulders. "You just sit here and wait patiently, Mrs. Skywalker," he hums in her ear, nipping her earlobe gently, and it causes her to shudder. "Dinner will be ready shortly."

On the way back to the kitchen, he pauses to turn on the iPod Touch on the silverware chest across from the table, and soft jazz music begins to play in the background. He flips the light switch off, and golden shimmers of light from the candles flicker and dance across the walls and ceiling, setting the romantic ambiance for their meal.

True to his word, he reappears a few minutes later with two laden dinner plates and places one before her. It's grilled steak, baked potatoes with butter and sour cream, and a fresh, garden salad, and Padme smiles fondly to herself; of _course,_ her husband is _thrilled_ to be back with his beloved grill, the wedding present he received from his stepfather Cliegg and stepbrother Owen. He thinks of himself as some sort of _master_ _chef_ when he's outside grilling, and it's both hilarious and endearing at the same time. In the center of the table is a basket of garlic bread, fresh out of the oven, and her mouth immediately waters at the smell. Anakin then retrieves a bottle of red wine and pours her, and then himself a glass, before sitting down opposite her at the table.

He raises his glass of wine, and Padme follows him, a little surprised by his action, as he beams across the table at her. "To my beautiful wife, for making me the happiest man in the world. I love you, Angel." Her cheeks flush crimson from his bold declaration as they drink to his toast and dig into their meal.

"This is _lovely_ , Ani," she tells him through mouthfuls, as sincerely as she possibly can, because she didn't expect _this_ at all, and the surprise is overwhelming. "Really. You're _so_ wonderful to me."

The endearing smile he gives her in return makes her almost light-headed with love. "You deserve it, Sweetheart. You have to deal with me being gone for _months_ at a time _._ We missed celebrating our third anniversary, and I want to make it up to you, in _every_ way that I can."

Padme runs her fingertip around the rim of her wine glass coyly, a wicked idea coming to her mind, and she let her tongue sneak out to wet her lips, thrilling at the way his eyes darkened as he caught her action. "I can think of many, _many_ ways you can make it up to me, dear husband," she purrs across the table, a blush on her cheeks and fluttering her eyelashes suggestively.

His grin is feral. "You _know_ , I bought a cheesecake, your favourite, for dessert, but I think I can think of something much better to… _indulge in…_ can't you?"

With a husky laugh, she winks at him. "Mmm, I _can_ indeed."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** A chapter a day keeps the doctor away... right? Oh well, who's complaining? Not me. This is just too much fun! Thank you for all the support this little story has gained so far! It's so lovely to have your work appreciated. Enjoy this next little snippet!

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

A wave of nausea flares up again just as she goes to take a mouthful of oatmeal, and Padme drops her spoon with a clatter and races into the downstairs bathroom. She _just_ makes it to the toilet before she's hurling into the bowl, bringing up the contents of her half-eaten breakfast until all that's left is bile. It burns her throat and makes her cough and splutter, and angry, frustrated tears prick at her eyes. This has been happened for _days_ , now; morning, noon, and night, and she has no idea _why._ She'll just be doing something, cooking, or reading a book or watching T.V., and then she suddenly grows dizzy and nauseous and only has a few seconds to make it to the bathroom before she's throwing up all over the place. It's disgusting, and Padme just wants it to stop. _I must have picked up a bug somewhere,_ she thinks bitterly to herself.

As she sits on the cold floor tiles, head resting against the cool ceramic bowl waiting for the nausea to pass, she hears a sharp rap on the front door, and then her best friend's voice calling out to her cheerfully. Padme groans. She forgot that Dorme is taking her out shopping today. It's been weeks since she's done anything _fun,_ since Anakin left again a month ago on another extended tour of duty, and, according to her best friend, it's time for her to leave the house and have a girl's day out. Of course, at any other time, Padme would have enjoyed doing something like this with her best friend, for they haven't seen each other in weeks, and she really needs a break from the daily grind, but _all_ she wants to do today is curl up in bed with a heat pack and sleep away her nausea.

The door opens and she hears Dorme enter, calling out to her, and Padme goes to answer her when she is overwhelmed by yet _another_ wave of nausea and hurls once again into the toilet.

"Padme!"

Suddenly, hands are holding her hair back and rubbing her back gently as she proceeds to continually retch up bile until all she's doing is dry-heaving, and her eyes and nose are watering. Her best friend mumbles soothing words to her and continues to rub her back until she completely stops and sags back to the floor, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. With a small grunt of gratitude, she glances up into the concerned brown eyes of Dorme and gives her a watery smile. "Thanks."

"Are you alright?!" Dorme asks, her tone laced with worry.

"It's nothing," Padme assures her with a shrug. "Just a stomach bug, I think. It'll go away."

Dorme isn't convinced. If there's one thing she's known for, it's being _persistent_. "How long has this been happening?"

She frowns in concentration, trying to remember _exactly_ when it started. It was some time in the beginning of the week – she'd woken up early feeling absolutely _awful_ and promptly threw up in the bathroom. From then onwards, it began happening more regularly and at different times during the day. She'd been sent home from work early the past two days because she kept excusing herself to go to the bathroom. But, Padme is certain it's just a virus and will go away soon.

"About four or five days," she admits. "All of a sudden, I just get _really_ dizzy and lightheaded and nauseous, and then, I'm running for the nearest bathroom."

Dorme furrows her eyebrows. "That's an unusually _long_ stomach bug. Are you sure you're not pregnant?"

Padme's eyes widen immediately. _Pregnant?_ She _can_ ' _t_ be pregnant. Anakin was deployed again a month ago. How could she possibly be _pregnant_ when he's not even here? "No!" she cries instantly and shakes her head. "I'm not pregnant, Dorme. Anakin's not even _here_."

"Have you gotten your period lately?"

"Well… _no_ ," Padme concedes. "But...but, that doesn't mean _anything_." She can't remember the last time she got her period, but Anakin was _definitely_ around, she's sure of it. It's bound to come any day now, anyway.

Dorme sighs and runs a hand through her brown hair, and even though she doesn't want to admit it, Padme can see how it all adds up. The last time she and Anakin had sex was the night before he was deployed. And, if she is being honest, they were _very_ _active_ during the entire six months that he was home, as Anakin tends to be rather _amorous_ with her. So, it's not entirely _impossible_ that she could be pregnant.

"Do you use birth control?"

Padme chews on her lip as she considers the question. Sure, she's on the pill, but being married, they don't always use condoms now, _especially_ if it's spontaneous, which, truthfully, happens more often than not, because Anakin is impulsive to the core, and when the idea hits him, he just _has_ to have her. Which means there's usually no time for advanced preparations. So, it's _possible_ that she's pregnant, definitely possible, but Padme doesn't want to believe it. They haven't talked _seriously_ about having a baby yet… the idea's been tossed around, but it's always in the _future._ There's a part of her that's _afraid_ of being pregnant, of having to birth and raise a child while Anakin isn't around. It's terrifies her.

"I'm on the pill."

"You _know_ that doesn't always work," Dorme reminds her, matter-of-factly.

"I _know_!" Padme groans and pulls at her bedraggled hair. As much as she loves Dorme, sometimes she wishes her best friend was less _straight to the point_. It has its benefits, of course, but it can also be _so_ irritating. _Especially_ when she was most likely right.

Clicking her tongue, Dorme cocks her hip and rests her hand on it. "Right. I'm taking you to the doctor. Now."

 _"Why?"_ If Padme hates _anything_ , its doctor visits. She prefers to let her own body heal itself of her ailments, rather than be forced to take pointless antibiotics if she's ever sick.

"Because," her best friend fixes her with a stern look. "Either you're pregnant, or you've got a really, _really_ bad stomach bug. Either way, you need to see a doctor."

The finality of her tone informs Padme that she doesn't really have a choice on the matter, but she grumbles sullenly, anyway. " _Fine._ "

She picks herself up off the floor, flushes the toilet and then washes her hands and face in the sink. As she looks in the mirror, she can't help but notice the terrified expression in her brown eyes. What if she _is_ pregnant? What are they going to do?

"Brush your teeth as well," Dorme requests, screwing up her nose. "No one likes puke breath."

Padme rolls her eyes. " _Yes_ , Mom."

Dorme drives her to the local doctor's practice on base, and they only have to wait ten minutes before they can be seen. She explains her symptoms to the doctor, and she takes a urine test and gets her blood pressure and temperature taken. Everything seems to be in order, according to the doctor. She doesn't have a fever and shows no other signs of illness, which only makes Padme more and more anxious. Maybe she _is_ pregnant. Maybe Dorme is right.

"Mrs. Skywalker," the doctor comes back into the room after several minutes, once Padme's finished taking her urine sample. "When was your last menstrual cycle?"

Padme swallows thickly as she struggles to remember. "I'm not sure. Maybe a month…two months ago?"

"Hmm," she clicks her tongue. "I'm going to run a pregnancy test through your urine sample. Is that alright with you?"

Padme nods her head, uncertainly. _So, she thinks I'm pregnant, too._ "Of course. Whatever you have to do."

She bites her nails as she waits for the results, both excitement and anxiousness coursing through her, her hands shaking at the mere _possibility_. Five minutes pass before the doctor re-enters with a clipboard and sits down opposite Padme, peering over the top of her glasses. "The results of your test came back positive," she informs her slowly, and Padme blinks as the information settles in her brain. _Positive_. _**Positive?**_ What does that mean again?

And then, the doctor says the _one_ _thing_ that turns Padme's world upside down. "Congratulations, Mrs. Skywalker. You're 6 weeks pregnant."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** Another little snippet for you! I do want to reiterate... this is not a happy story, exactly. So, enjoy the fluff while you can because things will grow dark and depressing soon... don't say I didn't warn you. But, have some cuteness :)

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

Even through the fuzzy glare of her laptop screen, Anakin looks _awful._ The most obvious sign is the thick white bandage that is wrapped around his right upper arm, blood seeping through the gauze. But it's _more_ than just the physical signs of injury. There's a _weariness_ to him that Padme hasn't ever seen before. Normally, when they finally Skype each other, he's in high spirits, as though talking to her and seeing her is the _greatest_ part of his day. But tonight, even though he's smiling, it doesn't reach his eyes, and there's an air of... _sadness_ hanging about him like a dark, miserable cloud. Something's happened – likely something that involves that (what Padme believes to be) bullet wound to his arm.

"I miss waking up to this view," he tells her softly. It is sometime in the morning over there, but Padme isn't exactly sure of the time because he can't tell her _exactly_ where he is, and he's obviously just woken up, for his eyes are still only half-hooded and not as sharp as they usually are. Though, from the look of it, he doesn't appear to have had a lot of sleep for a while. The dark circles under his eyes are almost scary. She worries for him, but doesn't say anything. He'll only get upset if she starts to fuss. "I miss you, Padme. _So_ _much_. I think about you every day."

She smiles sadly at him. "I miss you too, Ani." Her hand reaches out and touches her laptop screen, caressing the visage of his face as though he's really there in front of her, and his eyes grow moist at the tender action. "How are you?"

With a shrug, he casts his eyes away and mutters, "M'alright," as though he can't look her in the eye as he lies to her face. She _knows_ it's a lie. Just one glance at him and he's _far_ from alright. He looks dreadful, haggard...and much older.

" _Anakin_ …" she sighs heavily. It's _always_ the same whenever they speak to each other now. He lies and brushes off her concerns as if they're unwarranted, and she gets angry because he refuses to admit that he's in _pain_ – not just physical pain, but emotional pain. It's written all over his face.

"I'm _fine_ , Sweetheart," he insists. "Really."

"What happened to your arm?"

Anakin flicks his eyes over to his bandage and chews on the inside of his cheek, before lifting his gaze back to hers. "I can't tell you that, Padme."

" _Why?!"_ she cries out in frustration. She _hates_ this – being denied the right to know how he got injured. He's her _husband._ "Ani, I'm your _wife!_ I have a right to know what's happened to you!"

A flash of anger crosses his expression, and he grits his teeth. "You _know_ why I can't tell you, Padme! We've been through this. It's not up to _me!_ It's part of my _duty,_ my _job!_ "

She hates it when he's right. He's Special Ops; _everything_ he does is top secret, even within the military. He _has_ to keep quiet about everything that happens to him, in case his means of communication are intercepted. He'd explained this to her when he'd last been home, and Padme understands. But, it doesn't mean she likes it.

"I'm sorry, Ani," she mumbles with a frown. "It's not _you_ I'm angry at."

A soft smile pulls his lips. "I know, Angel. I know. Believe me, I _want_ to tell you things just as much as you want to hear them. I **hate** keeping secrets from you."

"I _hate_ this _,_ " she hisses all of a sudden, her emotions getting the better of her. "I _hate_ this, Anakin. I _hate_ that we're apart! I _hate_ that I never know where you're going and what's happening to you! And, I really _hate_ that I'm going to have these babies and you won't even _be_ here!"

At first, his expression is one of deep pity, until he registers what she's said, and suddenly his eyes widen in confusion and he tips his head to the side. "Wait… what?"

It's so endearing that, even though she's emotional, she can't help but beam at him. She was supposed to tell him the news at the beginning of their conversation, but had gotten carried away with her emotions and her anger and forgotten about it. _This_ isn't how she wants to break the news to him, not in the middle of a heated discussion about how _painful_ their marriage is right now. But, she's opened the can of worms now, and so, she decides to run with it. "Ani…" she takes a deep inhale and looks him directly in the eyes. "I'm pregnant."

The expression on his face is _so_ adorable. He blinks his eyes a few times, and Padme can visibly see the cogs spinning inside his head as he processes what she's just told him. Then, suddenly, his face lights up like the sun, so bright and happy and _beautiful,_ that he looks just like her _Ani_ once again, that sweet, gorgeous, innocent young boy she'd fallen in love with so many years ago. A tiny bubble of euphoric laughter leaves his lips as he beams at her. "P-pregnant?" he repeats slowly, mouthing the words a few times as though he can't quite believe it.

" _Yes_ ," she returns his wide smile, unable to stop herself, because the sheer joy that radiates from her husband, even through a screen, is contagious, and she's **never** been more in love with him than in that moment.

"That's – just, I-I… _wow…_ that's wonderful!" he stammers excitedly, unable to truly express the _rapture_ that his beautiful blue eyes portray so effortlessly. His expressions are always breathtaking, but _this_ is Padme's favourite by far. "When did you – when did you find out, Sweetheart?"

"About a month ago. I thought I had a stomach bug because I was puking all the time, but Dorme took me to the doctor, and they ran a test," she supplies, buzzing with happiness. She's _beyond_ glad he's as thrilled about this as she is. Even if she was a little unsure about it to begin with, she's embraced the idea with open arms and is now _overjoyed_ at being pregnant and all that it entails for her future. Her future with Anakin and the little family they've created together. "I'm ten weeks along now."

He sits back and runs a hand through his short hair. " _Wow_ – that's so…I can't believe it. _Pregnant?_ We're gonna be parents. I'm…I'm gonna be a _father!_ " It brings tears to Padme's eyes, because she knows how much that really means to him. Anakin never knew his own father. So, _this_ is a bigger deal to him than any other. Family is something so sacred to him; it's what makes her love him so much. She's seen how much he cared for his mother before she passed away several years ago, and for his adopted-sister, Ahsoka. It's such an endearing quality to Padme. A rare jewel. Her husband has the _biggest_ heart of anyone she's ever met, and she can only imagine how wonderful he will be as a father.

"We're having a baby…" he cries out, until he frowns, as though something just occurred to him. "Hang on…you said ' _babies_ '… as in _plural…"_

With a laugh, Padme nods her head, positively grinning from ear to ear. "Yes, Ani. We're having twins."

She swears he almost falls out of his chair at this new revelation and, if possible, his smile grows even wider, and, _oh,_ how she wants to kiss him right now! " _Twins?!"_ he almost shouts in utter incredulity. In the background, she hears several of his comrades cheering and whooping and hollering at the news, and she giggles to herself as they all gather round his chair and slap him on the back and ruffle his hair in brotherly affection. A few of them lean over and offer _her_ congratulations as well via the Skype call. "I love you," Anakin blurts out suddenly, his eyes misted over with tears. "I love you _so_ _much_ , Padme. You're incredible… _this_ is the greatest gift you could **ever** give me."

A fierce blush colours her cheeks at his words. "It's not all me," she reminds him, bashfully. "You helped, y'know."

His gaze turns serious once more. "I thought, when I married you, that I couldn't be _any_ happier. But I was wrong. _This…_ what you've – what _we've_ done… **this** is the happiest moment of my entire life, Angel."

His declaration moves her to tears, and she can't keep from sobbing in pure _joy._ She wants to repeat his sentiment, because it's true, until her subconscious reminds her of the devastating truth. Anakin doesn't come home until March. The babies will most definitely be born by then. He'll miss the birth…

Anakin reads her thoughts somehow, for he sighs and gives her a melancholy smile. "It's alright, Angel. You'll just have to love them _doubly_ hard until I get home."

Padme laughs through her tears and nods her head. "Of course, Ani. I _promise_."

His name is called, signalling that he has to roll out and also the end of their conversation. He shouts something back to the commanding officer, before returning his gaze to her once more. "I've gotta go, Padme. Duty calls." He flashes her a half smile.

Nodding her head in understanding, she sniffles, not quite ready to say goodbye to him yet. They _never_ get enough time together. It's always just a few short minutes before he's whisked away again on some other dangerous mission. "Stay safe, Anakin," she pleads with him. "Come home to me. To me _and_ our babies."

With his trademark smirk, he leans forward and presses his lips to the screen, as though he's kissing her and then whispers. "Of course, Angel. I promise."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:** We never really got to see Padme being pregnant in SW and when we did, it was all sunshine and daisies... so, I wanted to rectify this situation and show what pregnancy is _really_ like. Also, Sola is an absolute gem and I want her for a sister.

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

"Wow, you're getting _so_ big!" Sola exclaims as she walks into the kitchen of their parents' house, where Padme has been staying for the past couple of weeks, so she can be adequately supervised. She's been put on mandatory partial bedrest in her sixth month of her pregnancy, where her mother or Sola can keep an eye on her and take her to her obstetrician appointments. Her blood pressure has been elevated, and she's been having problems with swelling. So, the bedrest is precautionary at this point. Hopefully, it won't get worse, and she'll be placed on _full_ bedrest, or worse... hospitalized for weeks. She's had to take a leave of absence from work, but thankfully, her boss is very understanding.

Padme frowns. She's not vain, not at all, but she _hates_ how **large** she's becoming. She's only six months along, but looks like she's ready to burst at any moment. The protruding stomach looks almost comical on her petite frame, sticking out under her clothes as though she's hiding a giant beach ball under her shirt. Just the other day, when she was at the grocery store with her mother, some middle aged lady approached her with a big smile and said, " _Wow_ , _you_ _must_ _be_ _due_ _any_ _day_ _now, Honey_." It's a regular occurrence now whenever she goes out, and she'd responded rather sharply – due to hormones and her increasing frustration – that she's having twins and they're not due for another three months and to not-so-kindly leave her alone and stop pestering her.

"I look like a _whale_ ," she grumbles to her sister and leans up against the counter to relieve some of her back pain in the manner her doctor's nurse showed her. It's strenuous work, standing up for long periods of time when she's carrying all this extra weight. She's had to start wearing a support strap around her belly to help with the back pain. Padme has never been particularly _strong_ , at least not physically, and now, she's cursing the fact that she never joined a gym. She rests one hand over her belly, rubbing mindless circles over it with her fingers and takes a sip of her morning chamomile tea. The smell of coffee still makes her sick, so, she sticks with tea. As soon as the babies are born, though, Sola has _promised_ to hit the nearest Starbucks for her.

"But, a _pretty_ whale," Sola smiles, trying for encouraging, but it only makes Padme's scowl deepen.

" _No!_ I'm just plain **fat.** Anakin's _never_ going to find me attractive _again!_ Not with all these stretch marks! _"_ She wails, her eyes tearing up. "Everything _hurts_ ," she growls, holding up her fingers. "Look how swollen my hands are! I can't even wear my wedding rings, Sola! And my feet?! I don't even have _ankles_ anymore! I had to throw out **all** my shoes because I've grown a whole foot size larger! I'm like…a giant hot air balloon about to explode!"

Sola smirks, rolling her eyes. "Well, you're _definitely_ full of hot air, I'll give you that."

She deadpans, not at all amused by the joke, and crosses her arms over her chest. "You're hilarious."

Shaking her head, her sister waves her hand. "Padme, there's no point in complaining to _me_. I've been pregnant _twice._ Remember? I know what it feels like."

Even though she's right, Padme can't help but mutter bitterly under her breath, "You haven't been pregnant with _twins_ though."

Sola catches her snide comment and smiles kindly. "Well, _no_ , I haven't. But, at least be thankful that you haven't gained that much weight. I put on almost thirty pounds when I was pregnant with Ryoo, and she was only a five pound baby. Any weight _you've_ gained is just the babies."

Obviously, she's trying to make her feel better, but Padme doesn't feel like being patronised by her sister at the moment. Her back is killing her, her now larger breasts are painful and tender, her feet are swollen and sore, she's tired from having to sleep on her side _all_ the time (something about proper blood flow to the placenta for the babies), she's _constantly_ waking up to pee every five minutes, and she's _not_ in the mood for being consoled. She wants to sulk and pout, and that's _exactly_ what she's going to do.

"You know how they say pregnant women _glow?_ " she snorts a scoff. "Well, I'm **not** feeling it. I'm _not_ feeling the glow."

"Yeah, I can tell," Sola remarks with a snark, clearly not having _any_ of her crap. "Now, hurry up and get dressed. I don't want us to be late because you've decided to be moody."

Grumbling curses under her breath, Padme flashes her sister a stony glare, quickly finishes her tea and then waddles up the stairs like some sort of oversized penguin. Sola follows behind, as always, which only grates on Padme's nerves further. She's _constantly_ being supervised lately… and she's not even in her third trimester yet. It's bad enough that anytime she wakes up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, her mother comes pattering down the hallway and fusses over her like she's an invalid. She doesn't need it from her sister, too.

Once in her room, she undoes her fluffy robe that she'd thrown over herself after she had a shower and lets it fall to the floor, exposing her naked, pregnant form, save for the pair of gigantic, beige coloured underwear that is pulled up right over her belly to rest underneath her swollen breasts. The maternity underwear are _enormous_ , but Padme can't stand the feeling of the elastic waistband touching her stomach, and so she resorts to wearing such hideous underwear to save herself the discomfort. Her eyes grow sad as she rakes her gaze over her body; at how _heavy_ her breasts are now (though Sola keeps teasing her about how Anakin will no doubt _love_ this particular change), at how her bellybutton juts out, at the stretch marks on her sides and over her hips from the growth rate of her babies, at how ridiculous her tiny, slim legs look sticking out from underneath her swollen belly.

Out of her peripheral vision, she sees Sola standing behind her, and she instantly retrieves her maternity jeans, maternity bra, and oversized sweater and covers herself up. " _Don't_ ," she hisses, miserably, ridiculous, stubborn tears pricking her eyes. "I look _hideous_ , alright. No need to stare."

" _Padme_ …"

She turns back to the mirror and sighs heavily. "Y'know…sometimes I'm glad Anakin's not here. Like _now._ So, he doesn't have to see me looking like _this_ …"

" **Don** ' **t** say that, Padme!" Sola growls fiercely, and when Padme looks back at her sister, she sees her lips thinned to a grim frown. "You _know_ how much Anakin would want to be here right now. And, he'd love you all the _more_ for giving him these babies...swollen belly and stretch marks wouldn't change _that_ , Sis. He loves you." She steps up beside her and puts her hand around her shoulder. "I _know_ what this feels like," she tells her wisely. "I felt the same way when I was pregnant the first time. You feel huge and ugly and useless." She takes Padme's hands and then gently puts them on her growing belly. "But, you see _that?_ ' she whispers. "Your babies are in there, Padme. The babies that you and Anakin made _together_."

She smiles at her sister's words, all of a sudden feeling childish and selfish and stupid. She shouldn't be upset. She's going to bring two babies into the world _, Anakin's_ babies, the greatest gift their love could ever give them both. It's silly to be sad about trivial things such as appearance when she's _creating life_ inside of her.

"Your body is **not** ugly, Padme," Sola continues. "It's strong. It's nurturing. It's _life giving._ It's so amazing, and if Anakin could see you right now, I know he'd agree with me one hundred percent. You should be _proud_ to look like this. It means your babies are healthy, they're strong, and they're growing, because of _you."_

Padme rubs her belly lovingly, suddenly feeling guilty about thinking such horrible, vain things. She's carrying _two_ little lives inside her. Most women only carry one at a time. But, she's carrying _two_ – so, _of_ _course_ she's going to grow big. They need room to grow. And, her job is to give them that room. Give them time.

"I'm sorry, little ones," she coos quietly, smiling and rubbing circles over her swollen middle. "Mama's just being emotional. Take all the room you need. I love you both so much."

And then, she feels it. A little kick against the wall of her womb, and the grin that breaks out on her face is blinding. She doesn't know which one of her babies kicked her; their boy or their girl, but she doesn't care. Because they can _hear_ her. They can hear what she says, and they _know_ her voice. They _know_ their Mama. And, it's _magical._

She shares a knowing look with Sola, who smiles at her fondly and gives her shoulder a squeeze, and then Padme stares back at her stomach; where her precious babies lie, protected and safe in her womb, steadily growing bigger and bigger. Her sister is right. It _doesn_ ' _t_ matter how big she gets or how swollen her feet are. **All** that matters are the two little bundles of joy that she's carrying inside her… the two beautiful babies that she and Anakin made together. _They_ are more important than anything.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:** I feel like it's basically everyone's head cannon that Anakin chose Leia's name and Padme chose Luke's. In any case, it's definitely mine. A different take on the name game... hope you enjoy!

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

"Ani, I've been thinking," she says as she reclines on her bed, laptop resting on her knees.

He smirks at her through the screen, eyes flashing mischievously. "A dangerous pastime."

Padme laughs in spite of herself and shakes her head, "Oh, shush." But, she's not mad at him, not in the slightest. Their conversations have been rather heavy and intense as of late, and it's nice to hear him teasing her again, partaking in the playful banter they both enjoy so much. It's a significant part of their relationship, and she's glad it hasn't faded away. "I've been thinking about names. For the babies."

As always, whenever she talks about the babies with him, his eyes grow soft and dopey, lighting up with affection. It's _such_ an endearing expression, and Padme loves knowing how much he cares about their unborn children already, and he's not even home. She can only imagine how he'll dote on them when he finally comes back.

"I thought we'd agreed on names already?" he retorts, unable to stop himself from teasing her, and this time, Padme rolls her eyes and heaves a dramatic sigh.

"We're **_not_** calling them _Living Proof I Slept With Padme Naberrie 1 and 2!_ " she groaned, referring to an earlier conversation they'd had about the babies and Anakin's smirkingly made suggestion. "Be serious, Ani. This is important."

He flashes her a wink and grins. "Sorry, Angel. I couldn't resist."

"You're _so_ immature," she scolds him with a raised eyebrow.

Shrugging, he just continues to sport that infuriating smirk of his. "You're the one who married me."

"Hmm," she grins. "I'm beginning to regret that decision. I mean… _look_ what you've done to me?!" she moves her laptop down a bit so her full belly is in his view. "You've turned me into an elephant!"

Once again, his expression turns serious, and he meets her gaze. "No, you're not. You're _beautiful_."

His sentiment turns her into a puddle of goo, like it does every time, because there's _no_ doubt in her mind that he's being completely honest. He truly thinks she's _beautiful_ , even with an enormous pregnant belly and swollen feet and ankles. It only makes her burst with affection for him.

Flushing hotly, she quickly changes the subject before she loses her train of thought. "Anyway, I've been thinking about this for a few weeks, and I want your opinion. What do you think about the name Luke? For our boy?"

Anakin tips his head to the side and chews on his lip as he thinks it through in his head. "Luke…" he says slowly, letting it wrap around his tongue. "I like that. Luke. Luke Skywalker. Has a nice ring to it." He smiles at her. "Yes. I like it. That's our boy!"

Nodding her head, Padme smiled. "Good, I'm glad you like it," she replies happily.

"And, for our baby girl?" he asks.

" _Well_ …" Padme begins, a little uncertain. This is the one she's had the most difficulty with. She has an idea, but isn't sure about how her husband will take it. "I was thinking…what if we called her Shmi? After your mother…?"

Immediately, Anakin's eyes harden, and his jaw locks. " **No**." His answer is automatic, rough, and firm, and she sighs. She was worried he might react this way. His mother's death had been especially hard on him. It had been not long after their wedding. Shmi Skywalker-Lars had been suffering from breast cancer for years. It was one of the reasons she and Anakin decided to get married so quickly after the engagement, so that Shmi would be able to see her son's wedding. It's always a difficult topic to bring up, and Padme avoids it whenever she can. But, she'd thought naming their daughter after her grandmother, who was such a prominent figure in his life would be a nice touch. Obviously, she was wrong.

"I'm sorry, Ani," she apologizes immediately. "I didn't mean to make you upset. I just thought it would be a nice way to… commemorate her, you know?"

Her gentle confession softens him up _just_ a bit, and he runs his hand through his short hair. "I _know_ , Sweetheart. And, I love you so much for that… for wanting to do that, for me. But I… I just _couldn't…_ I _couldn_ ' _'t_ look at our little girl and… all I'd think about would be… _her_ … it's just – just too painful for me."

She bites her lip and nods her head vigorously, feeling _awful_ for even bringing up such a horrible memory. "Oh, Ani, I'm _so_ sorry. I didn't think about that…I just thought…"

"It's _alright,_ Padme," he assures her with a weak smile. "Actually, I've been doing some thinking of my own."

 _This_ takes her by surprise more than anything. "You…you _have_?"

"Yes," he nods his head. "I like Leia."

"Leia?" Padme has never heard of that name before. She's not even sure if it _is_ a name. But, as she says it a few times, she decides that she likes it. It's pretty, and exotic and unique. " _Leia_. Where did you hear that name?"

Anakin shrugs his shoulders. "Dunno. It just came to me. It sounds beautiful though, doesn't it? Like some sort of exotic princess." He gives her a fond smile. "Just perfect for our own little Princess, don't you think?"

Hearing her husband talk about their baby girl like that brings tears to her eyes. He sounds so pleased with himself, so certain and sure that he's found the perfect name, and Padme can't disagree with him. It _is_ beautiful. "Oh Ani, it's _perfect_ ," she half-sobs in joy. "They're perfect. Luke and Leia. Our perfect little angels."

"I can't wait to meet them," he says, voice thick with emotion. "I'm a man blessed, with _three_ beautiful angels to come home to."

Padme sniffles and beams at him with watery eyes. "They'll be excited to meet you too, _Daddy_. I've...I've been playing videos of you so they can _hear_ your voice, Ani, so they'll recognize you when you get home."

" _Padme_..." he says her name softly, eyes full of wonder. " _Thank_ _you_. That's – that's so sweet of you. Don't worry. It's not long now, Sweetheart," he assures her. "Five more months, then I'm home." Their Skype connection crackles a little, and then he sighs, miserably. "I've got to go, Angel. The Major's called a meeting. I love you."

Trying not to show how much this bothers her, she nods her head slowly. "I love you, too. Be safe, Ani. We'll be waiting for you when you get home. All three of us."

He grins, "I'm counting on it," and then he's gone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note:** This is a longer chapter. I felt it was necessary. This is probably one of my favourite chapters, because the emotion is just so raw. I feel like I should put some sort of warning in here too, for this may contain potential triggers.

For those who read my other stories, the next TGFH chapter is underway and should be finished in a day or so.

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

Impatience.

It's definitively a _Skywalker_ trait. And, their babies have it...in spades.

The twins decide to come early, of course. Padme goes into labour sometime around 9 pm on the 23rd of November, just days before Thanksgiving, and is immediately rushed to the hospital by her mother and father and sister. They aren't meant to come for another three and a half weeks, but clearly, her children are as _impatient_ as their father is, and when they decide to do something, there's apparently _no_ stopping them.

It's a long, dreadfully painful labour. Padme doesn't quite remember much of it, her senses fogged by a pain-filled haze, except for one vague memory of yelling at her sister for videoing the birth – so that Anakin can watch it when he comes home and won't feel like he missed out on such a momentous occasion, including her swearing, screaming and all – because even though they'd discussed this beforehand and Anakin had expressed _his_ desire to have it videoed, Padme suddenly doesn't feel comfortable with Anakin seeing her like _this_. Clearly, her sister ignored her wishes in favour of Anakin's, however, for she continued filming anyway, and Padme soon forgets about it, her thoughts soon consumed with pushing out two babies. Though, to be fair, Sola _did_ spare her the embarrassment of indecency in favour of more _discreet_ angles of filming.

After fourteen exhausting hours (though Padme _swears_ it's fourteen years), baby Luke comes squealing and squalling into the world, followed ten minutes later by his even louder sister, Leia. They are tiny, as most premature babies are; only 4 pounds, 11 ounces each, yet they are healthy, pink and squirming, their lusty wails filling the room. Once they are cleaned, weighed, measured, and checked by the neonatalogist, the nurse places them in Padme's waiting arms, and she beams down at the two little bundles, exhausted but eyes brimming with tears of joy, while Sola continues to film every detail for Anakin to see.

Padme is _not_ one to believe in love at first sight. It took her an entire _year_ to finally give in to Anakin's persistent, unwavering affections whilst they were in high-school. And yet, as she lays eyes on her children for the first time, she _can't_ deny that such a phenomenon exists. It's the **only** way to explain how she feels. They're _so_ perfect, _so_ beautiful and wonderful and pure and light, and Padme finds that her heart, which is already full with the love she holds for her husband and her family, is suddenly stretched to allow two more lives to lay claim to it.

Her daughter is wriggling impatiently in her arms, tiny legs and arms struggling against the warm blankets she's wrapped up in like she's trying to escape, her big brown eyes ( _her_ eyes, Padme notes with a smile) darting inquisitively around the bright room as though she can't decide where to look first. It's adorable, and even though Leia looks like _her,_ Padme is instantly reminded of Anakin; impatient, curious and adventurous. Casting her eyes at their son, little Luke is _much_ more mellow than his sister, yawning contentedly in her arms, his eyes slowly blinking open to reveal bright, blue irises. _Anakin's_ eyes.

Tears well in Padme's eyes and slide swiftly down her cheeks as she gazes fondly, lovingly upon her newborn children, unable to _fully_ understand the incredible bond she feels with them; an attachment so great, so pure and steadfast and _true_ – it's like _nothing_ she's ever felt before. It's overwhelming to believe that she and Anakin could create something so _perfect_ from their love. Their precious little angels…they're so innocent and beautiful and full of hope. They've never seen anything bad or been hurt in any way, and Padme intends to keep it that way for as long as she lives. She will protect her children with her life. She _swears_ it, as she bends her head to gently kiss each of them on their foreheads. "Hello, my little ones. _I love you_ ," she coos at them quietly.

Suddenly, little Leia scrunches up her tiny face and opens her mouth and begins to wail at an incredible decibel, making her mother's ears ring. Padme rocks her gently, trying to soothe her, when she notices the way Luke is staring at his sister. Previously squinting eyes now wide as he stares at her, and Padme swears that he can _feel_ his sister's discomfort. His own wailing cries join Leia's mere seconds later, and Padme desperately tries to get them both to calm down, cooing to them softly and rocking them in her arms. It doesn't seem to work.

Glancing up at the nurse, Padme begs her silently for some solution; the sound of her babies crying tugs painfully at her heart (and her _ears),_ and she just wants it to _stop_ , wants them to be happy again.

With a kind smile, the nurse approaches her. "They're _hungry_ , Mrs. Skywalker."

Suddenly, some innate instinct kicks in, and Padme immediately knows what she needs to do. She calls for her mother, handing a wailing Luke to her, then opens her hospital gown to free her right breast. It takes a bit of shifting before she finds a comfortable spot, the nurse assisting with extra pillows for support, and then she lifts her breast so that her nipple rubs against her squealing daughter's mouth. Leia immediately starts trying to close her tiny mouth around the bud, but she misses. Padme perseveres and tries again, this time with the nurse's help, all but forcing her nipple into her daughter's mouth. After several attempts, Leia eventually takes to her breast and begins to suckle. It's the _strangest_ sensation Padme has ever felt before. She can _feel_ her milk letting down and leaving her breast, and the way her daughter is ravenously suckling her is almost painful. Obviously, Leia has inherited her father's appetite and love of eating.

And, she's stopped crying.

Padme feels triumphant in a way, and beams down, watching her daughter feeding. Leia looks so peaceful and content, her eyes closed and lips puckered, her little cheeks hollowing with each suck. _She's so beautiful,_ Padme thinks to herself, her eyes growing moist as she gazes at her newborn baby girl. She takes in everything, from her small button nose, to her tiny, wrinkled hands. Her fingernails are so small, miniature, pale half-circles. Never would she have thought that something so trivial as fingernails would have caused such powerful emotions inside her, but they do.

"That's it, pretty girl," she whispers tenderly, stroking the top of her head, which is covered by a thin layer of fine, soft dark hair. "Drink up."

"Padme…Darling, they're _beautiful_ ," her mother sobs thickly from her chair beside the bed, as she cradles Luke in her arms.

Sniffling, Padme meets her mother's gaze and smiles. "They're _perfect_ ," she whispers tearfully, turning to smile at the camera as Sola continues filming.

Once Leia's had her fill, she switches babies with her mother, and receives her son. Luke has stopped crying, seemingly happy now that his sister is fed and content and blinks up at her with those beautiful eyes. Her little boy is the _spitting_ image of Anakin; she's seen her husband's baby pictures. Unlike his twin sister, Luke is almost bald, and what hair he has is pale blonde, but he is still _just_ as beautiful, with the same tiny nose, and tiny hands.

"Hey, my beautiful boy," she coos to him, lovingly, as he latches onto her left breast and feeds hungrily. Such a happy little baby, so sweet and mellow and soft. Already, Padme can tell there will be a _big_ personality difference between her children, and yet she loves them both equally, and so, _so much_ ; her curious little girl and her sweet little boy.

"She looks just like you, Darling," Jobal tells her as she gently rocks a now contented Leia.

Sola comes to sit beside Padme on her hospital bed, peering over her shoulder at Luke, camera still rolling. "And, _this_ little guy looks _just_ like Anakin."

The mention of her husband's name makes Padme begin to sob, and she starts to shake, tears leaking from her eyes as she is hit with an overwhelming pang of **grief**. _Anakin._ Anakin should _be_ here. He should be _here_ to see his children being brought into the world, to _hear_ their first cries, to _hold_ them in his arms. Knowing that he's _missed_ this breaks Padme's heart.

Once again, she feels _so_ incredibly **lonely**. How is she meant to do this on her own? Sure, she has her family to help, but her sister has her own husband and children, and her mother is getting older, too, and has to take care of her father. Padme _needs_ Anakin, needs her _husband._ She _needs_ his strength, his support, his _love,_ and he's not here to give it to her.

She suddenly breaks down, clutching her son to her chest, and then she starts _screaming_ , screaming for her daughter, screaming for Anakin. Her mother immediately places Leia back in her arms, and Padme sobs as she holds her babies as if for dear _life_. They are the only pieces of Anakin she has with her, and she's never letting them go. _Never._

Nothing can make her stop crying. Not even her sister, who's rubbing her back and calling to her softly, trying to bring her back from her misery, but Padme is deaf to it all.

"H-h-he should be _here!_ " she cries out, glancing between her mother and her sister, her cheeks wet with tears. "He should **_be_** here _._ They _need_ him. _I need him._ Ani… Ani, where are you?! Please… _please, come home._ I can't do this! I-I c-can't… _I need you. I need you! Anakin, help me!_ "

Padme doesn't realize she's rocking back and forth in her hospital bed until she notices her babies have been taken from her, and she begins to _panic_. Eyes widening, she starts screaming out their names, eyes darting frantically around the room, though her vision is blinded by her tears. She _can_ ' _t_ lose her precious babies! They're _all_ she has left! She goes to climb out her bed, when she is pushed back down firmly, and she hears a voice, calling to her, calling her name.

" _Padme, Padme, Padme…_ "

She blinks her eyes slowly, and tries focusing her vision. "Ani…?" she whispers, yearning for her husband. But, when her eyes fully focus, she sees her sister hovering over her, instead, worry lines on her face, and the doctor beside her.

"Shhh, it's _alright_ , Padme. It's alright. You're okay," Sola tells her with a small smile.

"My babies!" she demands, instantly, brushing her sister aside. "Where are my babies? Where's Luke and Leia?"

"Mrs. Skywalker," the doctor intercepts, calmly, soothingly. "Your children have been taken to the special care nursery for newborns. They _are_ premature, and _you_ need some time to rest and recover. You're…" she pauses, obviously trying to come up with the right words. "You're in an overly emotional state right now...distraught...and some sleep will do you good."

Padme may have been exhausted from labour, but she _knows_ what the doctor is insinuating. _Emotional state?_ They think she's unstable. Unsafe. They've taken her babies away because they're worried she will _hurt_ them. The idea is ridiculous! They are her _children_. They have **no** **right** to take them away from her!

"I…I want my babies," she whimpers pathetically, glancing at her sister, hoping for some sort of sisterly support, but Sola only sighs, sadly, as a nurse injects a sedative into Padme's IV.

"You'll be able to hold them again when you wake up, Padme," she assures her, though it's half-hearted, Padme can tell. "You just need to rest some. You've been through so much with this pregnancy and hard labour."

She makes to protest again, when her sister fixes her with a sharp look, and she sulks, sinking back into the pillows. It's a battle she's going to lose, as already her eyes are growing heavy from the medication. With a defeated sigh, she closes her eyes and soon falls asleep. And dreams.

Anakin is home in her dreams. He's with her, holding the babies, and they're one big, happy family. Until he gets shot by a sniper through the window of their home, and suddenly Padme is on her own, trying to raise the twins, but she _can_ ' _t_. She can't do it on her own. They'll _die_ … she can't do it, she can't, she can't, she can't…

Jolting awake, she heaves a deep breath, covered in perspiration. _It's only a dream,_ she tells herself over and over again. _It's only a dream._ But, in a way, it's **not** just a dream. Padme really _is_ alone. Anakin is not around right now, and he _won_ ' _t_ be home for almost another four months. He doesn't even know the twins have been born, because she doesn't know where he is and can't get in touch with him to tell him. It's _all_ up to _her._

She can't do it. She can't, she can't, she can't…


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note:** Another snippet into the terribly sad lives of the Skywalkers. Sorry about the delay in updates, life, and other stories took up my time. But the next few snapshots are underway and should be posted in a few days!

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

"Surprise!"

A chorus of delighted voices welcomes her when she swings the front door open as Padme and her mother bring the newborn twins home for the first time. She looks up and smiles at the friendly faces beaming all around at her, the ever present camera rolling to capture this moment for Anakin to watch later; her sister and brother-in-law, her nieces, her father, Dorme, Satine, Anakin's step-father, Cliegg, and step-brother, Owen and his girlfriend, Beru, and Ahsoka Tano, his adopted sister; they're _all_ here for this joyous event. A banner hangs from the ceiling, displaying the words; **_IT'S A BOY_** in blue and **_IT'S A GIRL_** in pink, connected together with a terrible scotch tape job, as though someone had found two different banners and stuck them together to fit her situation. Despite how exhausted she is, Padme _still_ manages to laugh softly at the endearing welcome home attempt – she's willing to bet it was Ahsoka's idea, because she's the most adorable, eclectic sixteen-year-old Padme has _ever_ met, and it's _just_ like her to do something like this.

Suddenly, everyone surrounds her, peering over her shoulder at her son, or cooing over Leia as she rests in her grandmother's arms, asking her millions of questions which she answers vaguely, lost in some other world. As wonderful as it is to have her family around her, she can't help but feel like something's missing. No…Not something. S _omeone._ **_Anakin_** is missing. It should be _him_ standing next to her, holding their daughter, _not_ her mother.

Sniffling, she glances down at her sleeping baby boy, looking so much like his father, and strokes the top of his head fondly. Now is _not_ the time to be upset, she knows. This is a happy moment, and Padme has to pull herself together and be strong. Her babies need her to be strong. Her _husband_ needs her to be strong even more so.

Her father approaches her and asks to hold Luke, and Padme smiles at him and places the baby gently in his arms. The endearing expression of complete infatuation that crosses her father's face as he holds his first- and _only -_ grandson is enough to bring Padme to tears. As much as Ruwee Naberrie loves his daughters and granddaughters, _finally_ having a boy in the family is a big deal to him. It's an important moment for him and Padme both, and she feels _proud_ to have given her father what he's _always_ secretly wanted. They share a loving, joyful smile together over Luke.

The twins are passed around the family members, everyone wanting to have their turn with the babies, and Padme sits down on the sofa, completely exhausted. _All_ she wants is for her family to leave, so that she can be with her babies all by herself – they'd been kept in the hospital NICU unit for two weeks, and now that they are finally home, Padme wants to make up for lost time. But, she knows such a thing would be rude…Anakin's family _especially_ deserves to have time with the children, considering they weren't at the hospital for their birth.

Still, as she watches her entire family interacting with her babies, she can't help but feel that maybe, just _maybe_ , they'd be better off with her sister, or her mother, than with her. Motherhood comes so _effortlessly_ to them; she can see it in the way they hold the twins, the way they talk to them. Padme doesn't know the first thing about being a mother. And, she's going to have to find out all on her own. She's never been particularly good with children. Not even when babysitting her nieces for her sister's date nights. Of course, she _manages_ , but it's awfully stressful, and once she finally puts the girls to bed, only _then_ is she able to relax.

Now, with her own children, she won't have that luxury. She won't be able to just wait until her sister returns and then go back home and drink a bottle of wine and watch another episode of _Law and Order: SVU_. She'll _have_ to be on constant alert, won't be able to relax for a minute, in case something goes wrong, and she feels _dangerously_ out of her depth. And, since she is nursing, she even has to forgo the relaxing glass of wine now.

Sola is holding Leia and bends down so that her daughters can see their new cousin. "Look, girls," she whispers in awe. "Say 'hello' to your new cousin, Leia."

Ryoo and Pooja _ooh_ and _ahh_ as they gaze upon their baby cousin, and Ryoo reaches out and strokes the top of her head. "She's so pretty! Just like Aunty Padme!" Sola looks up over her daughters' heads to meet Padme's eyes and smiles warmly at her, and Padme attempts to return it, even though _all_ she wants to do is curl up into a ball and cry herself to sleep.

Pooja nods enthusiastically along with her older sister and smiles. "And, she's so tiny, Mama!"

"You were this tiny once, Sweetie," Sola tells her youngest daughter, affectionately.

On the other side of the room, Cliegg is holding Luke, Ahsoka, Owen and Beru gathered around him. The same look of endearment is on her father-in-law's face as he holds his new grandson, and he looks up, glancing over at Padme with moist eyes. "She would have _loved_ to meet them," he says softly, and Padme nods her head as a tear slides down her cheek.

She. _Shmi._ Anakin's mother.

 _All_ Padme can do is tearfully mutter, "Yes," as her eyes settle on the picture of her, Anakin and Shmi at their high-school graduation that sits on the left corner of the mantelpiece. _Poor Shmi_. One of the _kindest, most loving_ women Padme had **ever** met and gone far, far too soon, before she could even see her precious grandchildren. She'd treated Padme like her own daughter, right from the beginning, when Anakin had first brought her home as a 'friend from school' one afternoon, and Shmi had gone _all_ out with baking muffins and bringing them iced tea and asking Padme thousands of questions about her family and her life, how she liked school, and where she wanted to go in the future.

The love Shmi had for Anakin, and _he_ had for her in return, was unlike _anything_ Padme had ever seen, even within her own family. Perhaps, it was because they were _all_ each other had had for so many years, but the bond between the two of them was so powerful, so unbreakable…in Anakin's life, Padme knew that _she_ always came in second to his mother, even if just by a thread, no matter how often her husband told her she was _all_ he ever needed. When his mother had sadly passed away from cancer, Anakin had been beside himself with grief. He could _barely_ function, wouldn't eat, would retreat behind his walls and close himself off, even from his wife, and it had taken _all_ of Padme's patience and persistence to get him to open up to her and return to the _light_ again. He'd gotten better, of course, even somewhat moved on, though the anniversary of Shmi's death is _still_ the toughest day of the year he faces, and _all_ Padme can do is hold him tight and cradle him while he cries and mourns. She suddenly feels childish for being so upset about the fact that Anakin isn't here today…at least he will _eventually_ see his children when he comes home…poor Shmi will _never_ have the opportunity to be a grandmother, to _see_ and _hold_ Luke and Leia. And, that's truly _heartbreaking._

Satine comes over to sit beside her as she ponders silently by herself, and she reaches out to take her hand. "How are _you_ doing, Padme?" she asks, kindly, her pale blue eyes soft and reassuring. "I don't think anyone's actually asked you that, yet."

Padme smiles at her dear friend and gives a half-laugh. "No, they haven't. My children are stealing the show."

"Well, they _are_ gorgeous," Satine concedes with a smile.

Affectionate tears fill Padme's eyes, and she flicks her gaze between her daughter snuggled in Sola's arms, and her son bouncing in Cliegg's. "They're _just_ like their father. Attention finds them no matter where they go." Anakin had always been a popular, likable kid – charming, outgoing, good-looking and downright mischievous. He enjoyed the spotlight and _adored_ attention… something he hasn't grown out of as an adult. Padme has a feeling, from the way their two babies have captured the attention of _every_ adult in the room, that _they_ will be exactly the same as their father.

"Don't worry. They'll be home soon, Padme," Satine says quietly, and, once again, Padme feels incredibly _selfish_. At least she has her family and her children while Anakin is away. Poor Satine has _nothing_ while her husband, Major Ben Kenobi, is away, because she and Ben can't have children and her family are interstate; so, she's even _lonelier_ than Padme is.

In response, she gives her friend's hand a comforting squeeze and flashes her a warm smile, despite how rundown she's actually feeling. "I know," she mutters wistfully. "I know. I still wish he could be _here_ right now, though."

The two women sit together in a peaceful, understanding silence, as only two wives of soldiers can, and let the people around them buzz and hum and flitter about the two newborn babies like moths to a flame. And, Padme begins to feel just a _little_ bit better. Perhaps, she doesn't have her husband here with her right now, but she has her family and her friends and her and Anakin's two precious babies.

And for now, that's _enough._


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note:** Yes, Anakin is coming back. Trust me. He is. I'm just taking the time to show what Padme does when he's not around... because he is gone for quite some time. This is just a little short snapshot of a sweet moment between Padme and Satine.

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

As Satine pulls up to the track oval on base, Padme stares out the car window, a sinking feeling of dread in her stomach. A few of the soldiers, under the initiative of the Lieutenant Colonel, if she can remember correctly, started up this free fitness boot-camp program several months ago, for the wives and girlfriends on base. It gives the younger soldiers who aren't deployed an opportunity to practice their leadership skills, as well as the women something to do while their husbands and boyfriends are away overseas on deployment. Being an army wife can be _very_ lonely, and Padme knows this _all_ too well. So, the idea of getting together with a whole bunch of women in similar positions as her and exercising together is a _great_ idea…but Padme isn't really _too_ thrilled about it.

She only gave birth two months ago, and now, Satine is taking her here, to help take her mind off her stress and anxiety and help get her _pre-baby_ body back at the same time. Of course, she _needs_ this distraction, even though being away from her children is _killing her_ , but lately, her emotions have been getting the better of her. She's so, _so_ , tired, _all_ the time, getting very little sleep from nursing two babies round the clock, and almost _everything_ makes her cry now. Panic attacks have started occurring on a regular basis, and Padme frantically calls her sister or her mother, or even Dorme or Satine to come and help her, because she _physically_ can't look after her own babies. She's **crippled** by neverending fear, fear of not being a good enough mother, fear of hurting her children, fear of Anakin not loving and wanting her anymore, and worst of all, fear of Anakin _never_ returning home. It's irrational at times, but she can't help it.

"I can't _believe_ you're making me do this, Satine," she grumbles to her friend, as they park and exit the car and make their way over to the rest of the women in the middle of the field. Padme can't remember the last time she exercised, and _now_ , having to do so after giving birth… she's not sure she'll be able to handle it.

Satine, it seems, believes otherwise and gives her a small smile. "Padme, you _need_ to get out more and _do_ something other than just mope around the house, changing diapers and pining for Anakin. It'll do you _good_ to get away from the twins for a bit, and it'll help _you_ get back in shape. You'll make some new friends, too. Besides, it's actually kind of fun."

Padme fixes her with a look of pure disbelief and takes in her appearance. She's tall and willowy, with very pale skin, pale blonde hair and pale blue eyes. Her lean, lithe body looks stunning in her grey yoga pants, teal singlet, and black, zip-up, running jacket, like one of those annoyingly perfect fitness models on Instagram. Padme, on the other hand, feels ugly and dumpy in comparison. Of course, it's to be expected that she still carries some weight from the pregnancy around her middle. But, that doesn't mean Padme _enjoys_ it. Trying to squeeze herself into her pre-pregnancy yoga pants was practically impossible. So, she had to go out and by a new pair. Her breasts are now larger, heavy and tender from nursing, and she also had to go purchase a specialised maternity sports bra to stop them from aching any time she moved too much.

" _How_ is exhausting yourself until _every_ muscle in your body protests painfully, considered _fun?_ "

Her friend just rolls her eyes. "You'll see. Besides, one of the soldiers that volunteers in the program has a **very** nice butt, so that _definitely_ makes it worthwhile! _Especially_ when he demonstrates squats...wearing shorts," she winks, cheekily, and issues a low wolf whistle.

Padme stares at Satine incredulously, her mouth hanging open. "You're _married!_ "

Shrugging, Satine smiles coyly. "Yes. I am. Very happily married for ten years. I love Ben more than _anything_ , but he's overseas at the moment, and besides, there's _nothing_ wrong with appreciating a well formed young man, Padme. I mean, come on...you don't think our _husbands_ ignore a pretty lady when they see one, do you?"

True. Satine had a point.

With a shake of her head, Padme chuckles under her breath, and they continue over to where the other women are gathered, stretching and warming up. Immediately, the women smile as they notice Padme and come over and approach her, and Satine introduces her to the group. The ages differ incredibly, one woman is well into her forties and another has got to be over fifty, which Padme finds rather impressive. There is another girl, Rebecca, who looks barely out of school, just turned eighteen. Padme sympathises with her immediately, knowing _exactly_ what it's like for your significant other to be enlisted in the army at such a young, tender age, as it had happened to _her_ when Anakin had enlisted at eighteen, right after their high-school graduation.

They begin the session, and Padme has to admit, the young soldier _does_ have a _very_ nice butt, even if she believes that her husband's is a _whole_ lot better. Still, it provides for some much needed eye candy for an otherwise physically gruelling session that leaves Padme feeling sore and achy and out of breath and utterly _exhausted,_ as she curses her mother, her father, Satine, _herself_ , God, the universe, and even _Anakin_ for getting her pregnant in the first place, every time she does a sit up.

By the end of her first session, Padme is wheezing and panting like a woman four times her age, and she's covered from head to toe in perspiration. Her workout clothes are _literally_ soaked with sweat. Yet, despite all that, the adrenaline that's pumping through her veins makes her feel more _alive_ than she has in _months_. She feels energetic and even _happy_ , and, as Satine drives her back to her parent's house to drop her off to pick up the twins and her car, both of which she'd left with her mother, and she asks her whether she's coming again tomorrow, Padme doesn't even hesitate with her answer.

"Yes!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note:** This chapter gave me all kinds of feels, and I hope it does the same with you. Anakin's homecoming is split into two parts and this is the first part. I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

 ** _Part I_**

He's standing there, like some sort of avenging angel, and she doesn't care _how_ many people are around or that it's probably not appropriate. Padme runs to him.

 _Anakin._

She leaps into his arms, her limbs constricting tightly around him, as though she _never_ wants to let go in case he disappears again, and nuzzles her face into the crook of his neck, hiding the river of tears that stream down her cheeks. The dull thud of his duffle bag hitting the tarmac is all the warning she gets before his arms come around her, hauling her off the ground and holding her tightly to him. They don't speak, simply hold each other for the longest time, a luxury in itself. The amount of times Padme has dreamed of _this_ moment, of holding her husband again, is insurmountable. At first, she's certain it's only a dream. It has to be. Anakin has been away for so, _so_ long…a whole year this time...and he's _still_ away, she's sure of it.

But, when they finally pull away and he gently lowers her back to the ground, Padme looks straight up into the beautiful blue of her husband's eyes, moist with his own tears, and realizes that it's _not_ a dream this time. It's real. He's here. Anakin is _home_. She beams up at him and caresses his face tenderly, as he does the same to her, before his lips are on hers, kissing her sweetly and slowly, savouring the moment. Padme clutches his face desperately, pulling him as close to her as she possibly can whilst standing on her tip toes.

"Oh, Anakin," she sobs into his mouth, overwhelmed with joy that he is _finally_ home after being away for so long.

Anakin presses his forehead against hers, not looking away from her eyes for even a second, as though he's staring right into her very soul. "It's alright, Padme. I'm home now," he tells her softly, leaning in to kiss her once more.

"I've missed you, Ani. _So much._ "

He smiles and runs a hand through her undone hair, which she'd worn down just for _him,_ because she knows how much he loves it, playing with the curls at the end. Just the _feel_ of his hands in her hair and on her skin again makes her feel warm and fuzzy and so _alive_ , and she closes her eyes, unconsciously leaning into his touch, seeking more of him. "I've missed you too, Angel. So, _so much._ "

She gives him the brightest, watery smile she can and thumbs at his cheekbones before reaching down to take his hand. "Come on. There's two little someones who want to meet you!" He grins with excitement and reaches down to grab his duffle bag before entwining their fingers and walking along with her.

Padme leads him to where Cliegg and Ahsoka, who is videoing Anakin's homecoming, are waiting with the double stroller. A homemade sign done up in red, white, and blue which states, **_Welcome home, Daddy! Our Hero!,_** is taped to the end of the stroller, and Anakin grins again at the sight. Her husband follows her along like an excited puppy, obviously eager to meet his infant children for the first time. They're both awake, gurgling happily to themselves, Luke with his tiny thumb in his mouth, Leia wriggling about as always. They both stare up at the looming figure of Anakin hovering above them, eyes wide with curiosity, and Padme gives Anakin's hand a squeeze and grins down at them affectionately.

"Hello, little ones," she coos to them happily, bending down to gently stroke the dark tuft of hair atop their daughter's head. "Look whose come back home to us!"

Beside her, Anakin's breath hitches in his throat, and she hears him distinctly sob. With a quick glance over at him, she sees his face alight with pure _wonder,_ eyes wide and awed, mouth open with the corners pulled up into a smile. It's such a beautiful expression - she's suddenly glad Ahsoka is filming every _second_ of this moment - and it makes her want to cry. _Never_ , in all the years she's known him, has he _ever_ looked so amazed before. He reaches out with his left hand, fingers trembling, wanting to touch them, but he hesitates and hovers his hand above the babies, as though he's afraid.

Beaming at him, she gives her husband's hand a squeeze, seeking to reassure him, and kisses his cheek. "Would you like to hold them, _Daddy?_ " she grins proudly.

He looks at her with mild trepidation and swallows nervously, and Padme doesn't miss the fear that swims in his eyes. It breaks her heart. "I…I – "

"It's _alright_ , Ani," she nods her head as encouragement. "They're _yours_ , too. You won't hurt them."

He bites his lip, pondering her words, and then nods his head, dropping his duffle bag down so that his arms are ready to receive his children. Padme leans in and picks up Luke first and places him in Anakin's waiting arms gently, watching with adoration as her husband tenderly holds his son, his firstborn, for the first time. Vaguely, she registers the sniffles and slight gasps coming from Cliegg and Ahsoka, but she doesn't take her eyes off her husband and son.

The _look_ on Anakin's face is indescribable. Tears slide silently down his cheeks as he smiles down at his blonde baby boy. He reaches out with his index finger, tenderly stroking the baby's cheek, and little Luke reaches out and grasps hold of it in his tiny fist. Anakin is shocked for a moment, and when he lifts his gaze to look at Padme, she notices the look of utter _rapture_ that crosses his face. All she can do is smile tearfully at him, wiping tears from her eyes, for she knows what it's like to have that tiny grip wrapped around her _own_ finger. It's more precious than _anything_ in the world.

"My… _my_ _son_ ," Anakin sputters, voice garbled and rough with emotion. " _Luke_. Hey, little man." Padme can't stop herself from crying as she watches her husband interact with their little boy. It's the most endearing sight she's _ever_ seen. "Do you know who I am? I'm your daddy, Luke."

Luke gurgles and then yawns, his mouth forming a tiny little 'oh', and Anakin is overwhelmed by that one simple action, and completely breaks down, smiling and laughing and crying all at once. "Padme, he's…he's _so_ – " He can't finish, but Padme nods her head in agreement, placing her hand on her husband's shoulder and leans her head against him. "You're a handsome little fella, aren't ya? You look just like _me_ , Lukie." he notes with paternal pride, once again addressing his son.

"Yep. _Just_ like his father," Padme comments softly, and Anakin's proud grin only grows wider, as he shoots a wink at his wife. It's _this_ moment that makes Padme realize just _how_ in love with him she really is. Of course, she's loved him for years, but right _now_ … she's **never** felt _more_ in love with Anakin than right here, right _now_. There's just something so endearing about watching her husband, this tall, muscular, all-important army Captain become _completely_ unravelled and spellbound by something so tiny and small. She wants to capture this moment forever, _burn_ it to memory. It's the most beautiful thing she's ever witnessed. Thankfully, Ahsoka is still recording this on her phone, and Cliegg is taking pictures.

Anakin bends to kiss little Luke's forehead gently and strokes his fine, blonde head, before carefully handing him back to Padme, wanting to hold his daughter next. Padme takes their son and rocks him a little, before setting him down in the stroller and then taking Leia in her arms. Unlike her more docile brother, Leia is _far_ more sceptical of Anakin, and she starts to whimper and cry, her little legs kicking, as soon as she's placed in her father's arms. Frightened and unsure, he immediately looks to Padme for help, clearly upset that his _own_ daughter is crying because of _him._

"It's _alright_ , Ani," she repeats softly again with a little nod of her head. "Just rock her. _Talk_ to her. She'll know your voice."

Swallowing, he nods his head and gently rocks little Leia in his arms, murmuring softly to her the whole time. "Hey, it's _alright_ , Princess. It's just me. It's _Daddy_. I've got you, my little Angel. Everything's alright. Don't be scared, Leia. I'm not going to hurt you."

Eventually, Leia begins to settle down, and her little, chubby arms reach up towards Anakin, as though she wants to touch him. Anakin is beside himself with joy, and touches her little hands with his fingertips, awed by this very experience. Already, Padme notes how the children have their father _completely_ wrapped around their little fingers. She knows he will do almost _anything_ they ever ask of him – it's written all over his euphoric expression. He's _smitten._

"You're _so_ beautiful, my little Princess," he tells Leia softly, as he presses soft kisses to the top of her dark hair, and he holds her tiny hand in his, caressing it with his fingertips. "You look just like your mama, Sweet Girl. Yes, you _do._ I'm gonna have a hard time keeping the boys away from _you._ "

Padme laughs, and he meets her gaze, winks at her again, before his daughter tugs on his finger, forcing him to return his attention to _her._ Once again, Padme is struck by how similar her daughter and her husband are…Leia may look like _her,_ but she is _all_ Anakin, through and through. "Though," he adds cheekily, "If you're _anything_ like your mama, you'll be able to take care of yourself just fine."

With a contented sigh, Padme snuggles into her husband's side and peers lovingly over his arm at their baby girl, just as he kisses her temple gently. " _Look_ what we did, Angel," he whispers to her in complete astonishment and pride. "We _made_ them together…they're _so_ precious and perfect, and _we_ did that, Padme."

Sniffling from his beautifully honest words, she nods against his shoulder. "We did well, Ani. We made beautiful babies together." Anakin's smile is lovingly tender as he nods his head at her sentiment.

Suddenly, Leia interrupts the moment with a loud yawn and then starts crying again, signifying that she's tired and needs to take a nap. Padme takes her from Anakin, reassuring him that she's just tired and needs a nap, when she notices her husband's panicked look, and places their daughter back in the stroller with her already slumbering brother. Then, the new parents take each other's hand and share a joyful grin between them.

"Come, Mrs. Skywalker," Anakin says lovingly. "Let's go home."

"I'm _already_ home _,_ Ani," she tells him, voice trembling with affection. "I'm with _you._ "


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note:** Here is the second part of Anakin's homecoming. It's full of feels... Oh, Padme, the poor dear.

For any of you who read my other stories, I'm currently working on the next chapter for 'infinite' which so be finished in a few days! I know you've all been waiting so very patiently for that, and I apologise.

I'm really enjoying writing this story and I've got so much inspiration for it at the moment, so I'm sorry if I take longer to update my other stories. Inspiration is fleeting... it comes and it goes, and right now I've got oodles of it for this story. Hope you enjoy this next snippet!

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

 ** _Part II_**

Once the twins are fed, bathed, and put to bed, which Anakin had been _delighted_ in helping with for the first time, Padme _finally_ slides into bed beside her husband, completely and totally exhausted, both physically and emotionally. All she wants to do right now is to fall asleep, secure in Anakin's warm embrace, which she hasn't felt for a whole year. Her husband, however, seems to have other plans for how to spend their first night back together. As soon as she's under the covers, an _obviously_ aroused Anakin snuggles closer to her, his arms encircling her waist, and he nuzzles into her neck, hauling her flush against him and presses sweet, tender kisses along her skin.

She knows what he wants, what he _needs_ , what he hasn't had in an entire year. And, if it was _any_ other time, she'd give it to him, because it _has_ been a year- for them both _-_ and she needs _him,_ too, but things have changed since he's been away. _She's changed_. Padme still has stretchmarks over her lower stomach and hips from her pregnancy, which are taking their own sweet time fading, to her annoyed embarrassment. And while her breasts are fuller and firmer than they've ever been, which Anakin noticed immediately with a _delighted_ gleam in his eye as he watched her nursing for the first time, she's _still_ got a little extra weight around her middle – even all of her rigorous training and exercising with Satine hasn't gotten rid of _that_ just yet. The body of Padme Skywalker, of Anakin's wife, is _a_ _lot_ different now than it was before he left a year ago, and she _doesn_ ' _t_ want him to see it. Not just yet.

As selfish as it is, the truth is she's _afraid_ he won't find her desirable anymore once he sees the stretchmarks, or her belly. Though sex isn't the sole basis of their love, or their marriage, Anakin's _strong_ physical attraction to her is something he has always expressed openly and daily, ever since he first laid eyes on her in the hallway by her locker at school when they were fourteen, where he walked right up to her and told her she was an angel, as ridiculous as that was at the time. While Padme knows she's not _unattractive_ , she absolutely _adores_ the way her husband looks at her, like she's the most beautiful woman he's _ever_ seen...But, _now?_ She doesn't feel beautiful at all, doesn't feel worthy of his affection. She feels so incredibly _tired,_ and older, somehow, much older than her twenty three years. Her back and shoulders ache _all_ the time from carrying the babies around, and her breasts are sore, _especially_ her nipples, which are slightly darker in colour now, from nursing the twins on a near constant basis, and she's hardly slept a wink in four months. _All_ Padme wants to do right now is sleep.

But, tonight, sleeping is _not_ on her husband's agenda.

Anakin murmurs beautiful, sweet things in her ear, telling her just how much he's _missed_ her, how much he _wants_ her, and it normally arouses her to no end when he speaks to her like this – because he's a wordsmith and knows _exactly_ what to say in every given moment. But, tonight, it only makes her squirm. How can he possibly want _her_ , right _now?_ When she looks – and feels – like crap?

" _Ani_ …" she sighs, shuffling away from his embrace. "Not _now_ , Honey."

Her husband, however, is persistent - and determined - and continues to lavish his worship on her exposed skin, kissing and nipping and suckling at her throat just below her earlobe, the sweet spot he _knows_ gets her all worked up in a matter of seconds, and his hand gently creeps up underneath her nightgown, along her belly upward, towards her breasts. " _Padme_ ," he breathes her name on a shaky exhale as he sucks her earlobe into his warm mouth, bathing it with his tongue, his trembling but sure fingers roaming ever higher. "I _need_ you, Angel. _Please._ It's been a year, a _whole_ _fucking_ **year** … and I – " he kicks the covers off of them and props himself up on his side, revealing his naked body save for the pair of dark blue boxer shorts that sit low on his hips, and continues to lavish her neck with his mouth as he tugs her short nightgown up over her hips.

" _Don't, Ani!_ " she hisses suddenly, pushing his hands away from her and sitting up.

Anakin frowns at her in confusion, sitting up and tipping his head to the side. "What's wrong, Sweetheart? _Why_ don't you want to?"

Her eyes narrow into slits, and she crosses her arms over her chest, protecting herself. It's _cruel_ to do this to him, she knows, but she can't seem to help it. "I'm just not in the mood, Anakin."

Shuffling next to her, he reaches out to stroke her hair in a tender caress, desire and _pain_ reflected in his beautiful eyes. "But, _Padme_ …I've _missed_ you so, so much. I want to _see_ you... _all_ of you. I _need_ to touch you. I _need_ to feel you beneath me…to be deep _inside_ you, loving you again. It's been…so long... _too long_ , Sweetheart. _Please._ " He wraps a hand gently in her chestnut tresses, angling her face towards him and places a sweet, languid kiss upon her lips, his tongue snaking out to trace the full curve of her lower lip, as his other hand glides across the top of her thigh and, again, begins to slide her nightgown higher, exposing her hips to his exploring fingers. "I'm _aching_ for you, Baby. Please don't push me away. We _both_ need this."

To emphasize his desire, he grinds his hips against her, and Padme feels the distinctive bulge of his arousal press against her thigh. When he stops kissing her and pulls away, darting his passion darkened eyes lower to appraise her, her own eyes grow wide and _terrified_ , and she jolts away from him, reaching for the covers and pulls them back up over herself, shielding herself from her husband's wandering predatory gaze. " _Stop it, Anakin!_ " she cries out, suddenly frustrated by his persistence. "What part of _no_ don't you understand?"

Eyes widened and clouded with confusion, he pouts at her, clearly disappointed by her reaction. " _Why_ are you doing this, Padme? I've been away for a _whole_ _year_ , and now I'm home, and _all_ I want to do is make love to my gorgeous wife! Is that so _wrong?!"_

Gritting her teeth, she remains firm. "What about what _I_ want, Anakin? I'm _exhausted!_ I'm _so_ **tired** after taking care of the twins for four months by myself around the clock, and my back is killing me. I just want to _sleep_ safe in your arms, okay? That's all I want right now." When he continues to look upset, she softens a little and strokes his stubbled jaw gently. "Maybe tomorrow, alright, Honey?"

Anakin nods his head, a look of resigned dejection on his face, and takes her fingers, bringing them to his mouth to dust soft kisses over her fingertips, and whispers, " _Alright_ ," before getting up and rising out of bed. She calls out to him, asks him where he's going, but he doesn't turn to face her. He simply mutters, "Go to sleep, Angel. I'm just going to the bathroom."

She watches him walking towards their ensuite bathroom, his shoulders slumped ever so slightly, and regret clutches at her heart. _What_ has she just done? _Why_ did she turn him away, when _all_ he wants is to _love_ her again? And then, she hears the most heartbreaking sound she's _ever_ heard in her life. Her husband, _crying,_ while pleasuring himself in their bathroom, seeking the release _she_ had denied him. It makes her heartsick as she curls up in bed and weeps. Suddenly, she is angry at herself and berates her own selfishness. It should be _her_ relieving _him_ ; giving him the release, the comfort, he so desperately _needs_. She loves him, and she should be _showing_ him how much she loves him. _Not_ recoiling at his very touch. The realization makes her sob all the harder.

He reappears five minutes later or so, to find her sobbing on their bed, her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with the effort, and he immediately rushes to her and wraps her up in his arms. " _Padme_ … Sweetheart, what's _wrong?!_ " he asks her tenderly, stroking her hair and holding her tightly to his chest. She clutches at his shoulders and cries into his bare chest, as wave after wave of uncontrollable tears leak from her eyes. She _can_ ' _t_ look at him. She's _ashamed_ of her irrational behaviour. Guilt eats her alive. She doesn't deserve him…doesn't deserve his affection, his kindness, his _love._ She is so unworthy.

"M'sorry, Ani," she sputters, her voice muffled against his skin.

"Hey, it's _alright_ , Angel," he reassures her softly, kissing her forehead repeatedly and rubbing soothing circles along her back. "You're tired after all you've been through this year. I _get_ that. I'm sorry for pushing you."

She shakes her head against him, keeping her face pointed down, afraid to look up at him. "It's not just that. I'm...I'm _afraid_ , Ani," she whispers, her voice trembling with fear.

Instantly, his fingers grip her chin and force her to tilt her head back, meeting his worried and concerned gaze. "What are you afraid of, Padme? I'm _home_ , now. I'm right _here_ , Angel. "

Padme sinks her teeth into her trembling bottom lip and shakes her head. "No…no I'm – " she pauses to catch her breath, which is broken and ragged from her sobbing before continuing in a garbled whisper. "I'm _scared_ you won't…you won't _love_ me… anymore… now that I've had the babies. I'm – I'm not… _pretty_ , anymore… Ani, I'm – I'm _ugly_ now _._ I've got stretchmarks _all_ over my...my hips and my belly, and my...my breasts _hurt_ and they leak now… and I'm _fat,_ and…I don't want y-you...t-to _see..._ "

She doesn't get to finish her sentence for suddenly his lips are on hers, swallowing her words, as he kisses her fiercely, his strong arms crushing her to his chest. The pure _passion_ he pours into her mouth is relentless in its intensity, but it's everything Padme _needs_ in that moment, whimpering at the _love_ and _desire_ she feels in his lips. When he finally breaks the kiss, he cups her face in his hands, stroking her wet cheeks gently with his thumbs, peering down at her with the most beautiful, heartbreaking expression she's _ever_ seen in his eyes.

"Oh, _Padme_ … You're so _beautiful_ to me," he tells her, so earnestly, with such _raw_ honesty that she can't contradict him. "You're my wife, my lover, my best friend, the mother of my _children_ …you're my _soulmate_. I _love_ you, Angel. I don't _care_ if you've got stretchmarks or if you've gained thirty pounds. They're reminders of the greatest gift you have ever given me in my entire existence… my, _our,_ children. It's _no_ different than all the scars I have now, and you don't love _me_ any less because of them," he smiles at her then, and she laughs weakly in spite of herself, tears still leaking from her eyes. "Flesh is just flesh, Padme. It's meaningless. But _this,_ " he rests his palm between her breasts, over where her heart lies, beating loudly against her ribcage. " _This_ is what I love, Sweetheart. Your heart, your soul, your _passion._ It's _all_ I'll ever need."

His beautiful words make her start to cry harder, and she whimpers as he bends to kiss her once again, more gently and languidly this time. "Say it's mine. Your heart. Mine _forever_ ," he pleads softly, speaking with his mouth on hers.

" _Always, Ani,_ " she whispers back, overcome with love for him, for the wonderful, sweet man in her arms who she gets to call _husband_. "It's _yours_ , Ani. I'm _yours._ Always. _Forever yours._ "

They share one last tender kiss between them before they snuggle down and drift off to sleep, holding each other tightly. And, for the _first_ night since the twins were born, Padme actually _sleeps,_ content and safe in the arms of her beloved husband _._


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note:** This is the longest chapter to date, and one of the most angsty, so you've been warned. To me, this is not out of character, not considering the circumstances. If Anidala had made it past pregnancy, I would have expected Padme to have gotten post partum depression (which is what she has in this story), considering the highly stressful environment she was surrounded in during the pregnancy, and the trauma of watching Anakin turn and the premature labour. In this story, there's obviously no Force or Jedi or anything like that, but Anakin's been away for a whole year and Padme has had to care for twins for 4 months on her own - which, any mother can attest to, would be highly exhausting. It's no wonder the poor thing is so distraught. So please, keep this in mind when reading this chapter. It's not out of character, it's just different (realistic) circumstances.

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

Leia is crying _again_.

Out of their two children, she is _always_ the first to cry. Padme can now distinguish her cries from her brother's, which join hers in a matter of seconds. The sound coming through the baby monitor of her babies crying in their cribs is the only alarm Padme will _ever_ need; she rouses instantly from an exhausted slumber and, taking care not to wake her still sleeping husband, gently removes the heavy weight of Anakin's arm as it rests across her waist from where he's snuggled in behind her, and slides out of bed with resignation.

Before she makes her way into the nursery down the hall, she pauses in the doorway of their bedroom to glance back at Anakin's sleeping form. He's shuffled into the warmth she left behind, curled into a ball like a child, and it's _normally_ endearing to watch him sleep like that, so innocent and naïve. But, instead, it merely brings a frustrated frown to her face. Turning back with a sigh, she heads for the twins before their cries grow any louder.

It's 2:30 am, and this is the fourth night in a row that Leia has woken up at this time, and yet, Padme is the _only_ one who hears it. Anakin has _never_ woken to the twins' cries...not _once_ the entire week he's been back home, and though he's a heavy sleeper, Padme isn't convinced that that's all it is. Their daughter is anything _but_ quiet. When she wakes up, the **entire** street can hear her, apparently. She's actually had some of their neighbours coming to her door, rather _rudely_ at that _,_ over the last few days, complaining that her baby girl is keeping them up in the middle of the night, and whilst she'd made some rather _pointed_ remarks regarding their complaints, give or take a few well-placed expletives, she can't understand _how_ Anakin can sleep through it! He's _got_ to be able to hear it! How could he not?

With an irritated huff, she shakes her head and hurries into the nursery to settle her squealing daughter. Leia is hungry, as normal, so Padme quickly settles down in the rocker and nurses and burps her, then lays her back down in her crib to change her diaper before attending to Luke next. It's the _same_ routine she's been doing for months now, before Anakin even came back, but as she sits there in the rocking chair nursing her son, she can't help the bitter tears that prick at her eyes. Is _this_ what her life has come to? Her patience is being stretched so thin...truthfully, _too thin._ She's constantly _needed;_ needed by her children, needed by her _husband,_ but she's reached the end of her rope and just can't _give_ anymore! She's **exhausted**. _All_ she wants is a two week vacation; some time _away_ from her children and even her husband, where she can just be on her _own_ for once. Where she can do the things _she_ wants to do, without having to nurse one of the twins all the time, or change diapers repeatedly, give them baths, do the laundry or constantly tell her husband that she's _fine_ when she's _not_.

As soon as such thoughts creep into her mind, she pushes them back, though, absolutely _mortified_ with herself _. What_ is she _thinking?!_ Leaving her own _babies?!_ That is _not_ something mothers are meant to dream of. They are her precious little angels. She _loves_ them more than anything else in this world, besides their father. They _need_ her. She can't just up and _leave_ them! Tears drip down her cheeks, shame filling her heart, and she strokes the top of Luke's head softly, feeling positively _awful._

"I'm _so_ sorry, Sweetie," she coos to her son, who suckles gently at her breast with his eyes squeezed shut. "I'll _never_ leave you, not _ever_."

Once her son has had his fill, she burps him and places him back in his crib, changing his diaper as well, before pausing to stare down at her beautiful little children. Leia is asleep on her back, her chubby little arms up beside her head – they always manage to end up in that position, no matter _how_ many times Padme tucks them in her blankets. Luke is yawning quietly, screwing up his face each time. With a soft smile, Padme strokes each of their heads in turn and leans down to kiss their foreheads, before sitting heavily back down in the rocking chair beside their cribs. Curling her legs up to her chest, she wraps her arms around them, heaves a troubled sigh, placing her forehead on her knees and begins to quietly sob.

That's how Anakin finds her, some moments later. He appears in the doorway, half-asleep, clumsily pulling a white t-shirt over his head, wearing his blue boxers and navy slippers. "Padme?" he calls out her name softly, and she lifts her head, hastily wiping tears from her eyes, a look of surprise crossing her features. "Sweetheart, _why_ are you sitting here by yourself in the dark?"

In three long strides, he's beside her, kneeling by the chair with his hand on her knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze. The loving concern in his blue eyes is just too much for her; so she doesn't look at him, instead, continues to stare at her lap. "What's _wrong_ , Angel?" he implores softly, obviously worried about her.

"I'm fine, Ani," she snaps instantly, her voice low and hoarse, brushing his hand aside with a quick shove and standing up, brusquely leaving the nursery and going quickly downstairs, her slippers making a soft shuffling sound on the floor. She's _ashamed_ of her feelings and thoughts and doesn't want her husband to see her crying over something he'd probably find ridiculous.

He follows her, though; she can hear his footsteps padding down the stairs, and she frowns. Why can't he just let her be _alone_ for once? It's 2:30 in the friggin' morning! Why is he always following her around _all_ the time? Pestering her? Asking her tons of questions? _All_ she wants is to be left alone, dammit! Can't he _see_ that?!

"Padme!" he calls out to her as she storms into the kitchen to help herself to a glass of water. "Padme, _stop!_ **Please**. _Talk_ to me, Sweetheart." She feels his hand come to rest on her shoulder, and she turns around quickly, glaring up at him, knocking his hand free from touching her.

"There's _nothing_ to talk about, Anakin," she hisses through clenched teeth. " _Just_ _leave_ _me_ _alone_."

Crossing his arms over his chest, he meets her stubborn glare with one of his own in the dim street light that spills in through the window of the kitchen. " **No**. I won't just _leave you alone._ You're my wife, and you're obviously upset, and I want to know _why_. I want to help you."

An uncharacteristically cruel sneer passes her lips, surprising both him and herself, but Padme ignores it and rolls her eyes. "Oh, so _now_ you want to help!" she drawls, sarcastically.

Anakin frowns and tips his head to the side, confused by her sudden hostility. "What are you talking about? _Of_ _course_ , I want to help you."

Something inside her _finally_ snaps, her short fuse detonates and suddenly explodes, and then she's _yelling_ at him, without even really meaning to. All of her stress, her anger, her utter exhaustion, and even her _guilt_ gets the better of her in that moment, and her poor, sweet, unsuspecting husband is the focal point of _all_ her emotion. Her voice lashes at him with whip-like precision.

" _Help?!..._ Where the hell were _you_ when I needed _your_ help in the last year?!" she cries, throwing her arms in the air, angry, hot tears spilling over her cheeks again, as she shouts at him for all she's worth. "Where were _you_ when I found out I was pregnant with twins? When I was put on mandatory bedrest because my blood pressure was too high, and I had to go live with my _parents_ and rely on my _sister_ to take me to obstetrician appointments? Or my mother and father driving me to the hospital when I went into labour? Or _Dorme_ being the one taking me out for burgers and fries at three in the morning because I had cravings? Where were _you_ , Anakin, when I gave birth in the hospital, for fourteen horrific hours, to deliver our children? Where were _you_ when I was home alone for the last _four_ months with _two_ crying newborns and **no help** to care for them, nursing them twenty-four-seven, changing every diaper, stuck in this house, surviving on almost _no sleep?! Where_ were _you_ when the twins got chicken pox last month, and they were sick for two weeks straight, screaming their heads off the entire time?" She paused in her tirade for a moment to heave air into her lungs. " _You_ didn't even know when the twins were born until three days before you got home! And _now,_ suddenly _,_ you want to _help me?!_ " she scoffs, hotly, her glare simmering with rage and frustration. "Well, it's a little too **_late_** for that, _Honey."_

The hurt that flashes in his beautiful blue eyes at her comments stirs something inside her, but she's too overwhelmed to apologize. She just wants... _needs_...to let it out… _all of it._ The huge elephant in the room that's been weighing down on her since Anakin came back home _._

" _Padme_ …" he begins slowly, shocked and almost cowering under her harsh glare like a wounded animal. "I… I'm _so_ sorry you feel this way, Sweetheart. I-I had _no idea,_ " He reaches out tentatively with his arms, palms up, as a surrender, silently asking her to _forgive_ him, to embrace him and tell him she loves him, but she can't. She's too upset. "It's my _job_ , Padme," he continues quietly, sadly _._ "We _both_ knew it was going to be like this. You _knew_ that when you married me."

"Oh, you think _that_ makes it better?!" she all but screams at him. "You think, because it's _your_ _job_ that it somehow makes me able to _sleep_ at night?! Worrying about you constantly while you're halfway around the world in a war zone?! Not hearing from you for _weeks_...or even _months_ on end - and when I _do_ hear from you, you look like hell, but you can't tell me _why,_ and you sit there and _lie_ to my face, telling me everything's ' _fine'_...When we _both_ know it's not?! Never knowing _where_ you are, if you're safe, or even if you're going to come home _alive_ to me at all?!" The tears are leaking steadily now, but she's too worked up to brush them away, simply lets them fall, ignoring them in her rage. They've been needing to have this conversation for _years_ , and even though it's really not the _best_ time, or the right _way_ to discuss this, it's happening now, so there's no point in stopping it.

A look of deep pity crosses her husband's face, and he takes a step closer to her, opening his arms. "Oh, _Sweetheart_ ," he whispers softly, and if she looks closely, she can see his eyes shining with tears. "Is that what all _this_ is about? Is that why you've been so cold and distant with me since I came back? You're…you're _angry_ with me for being away and leaving you alone? For not being here to support you?"

That stops her in her proverbial tracks. _Distant?_ Has she been cold and _distant_ towards him? Furrowing her brow, she tips her head at him, clearly confused. " _Distant?_ " she repeats, shortly, her nerves still on edge. " _What_ are you talking about?!"

He eyes her seriously, taking another step towards her, and when he puts his hand gently on her shoulder, she doesn't flinch away from him this time. " _Padme_ ," he bends to meet her gaze, worry etched in every line of his face, "You haven't been yourself since I came home. You used to…to laugh with me, joke with me, _want_ to spend time with me, and _enjoy_ my company, but now... _now,_ you – you hardly speak to me at all, and when you do, you bite my head off. You _never_ smile and almost never laugh now. You frown all the time. If I walk into a room, you get up and walk out. You're suddenly _repulsed_ by me, Sweetheart...You've avoided any kind of intimacy and won't let me even _touch_ you. You stiffen up when I try to kiss you, and you act... _distrustful_ towards me, especially when I try to help with the twins." The emotion in his voice makes it crack on the end, and he shakes his head sadly, but Padme doesn't register it. She's too consumed with being _angry_ at him. Doesn't he _realize_ what she's _been through_ while he's been away? Does he expect her to just be the perfect, happy housewife when he gets back home after _all_ that's happened to her in the last year?!

Gritting her teeth, she narrows her eyes. "What, because I don't want to have sex with you every goddamn day, you think that means I'm _not myself?!_ " Her voice is high and shrill, echoing loudly into the night, and Anakin visibly winces.

"That's _not_ what I'm talking about – "

" – _Maybe_ you just don't recognize your own wife anymore because you're **_never home_** to see her! _"_ She interrupts him, shouting rudely over him, and as soon as she says it, Anakin's entire expression crumbles.

" _Angel…_ " he mutters quietly, and this time she doesn't miss the tear that slides slowly down his left cheek.

Shaking her head violently, releasing more furious tears, she throws her empty glass on the floor, barely flinching as it shatters at their feet, Anakin's wide-eyed shock not even registering, as she fists her hands in her chestnut locks and tugs at her hair, a loud screeching growl rumbling from her lips. " _I can't do_ _it anymore_ , _Anakin!_ Not on my own! I j-just want to get out of h-here and be alone for a while!"

Once the words escape her, however, she suddenly realises what she's just said, in her rage, and she gasps, _horrified_ , bringing her hand up to her mouth. "Oh, _God!_ I'm a… t-terrible mother," she sobs, her shoulders shaking with the force of them. Suddenly, she's wrapped up in Anakin's strong embrace and pulled flush against him, and she clutches at his t-shirt, curling her hands tightly in the cotton fabric, raining tears all over them, as sobs wrack her slender frame.

"Shh, don't say that, Sweetheart," he soothes her, his voice a tortured whisper, pressing soft kisses to her hair, and she lets him, because all of a sudden, she realises how much she needs _this_ – her _husband_ , at home, holding her close and telling her everything's going to be okay now that he's here. "You're _not_ a terrible mother."

Padme shakes her head against him furiously. "I _am_ ," the argument is spat out, muffled against Anakin's chest. "Ani…I-I was nursing Luke and I…I thought about how much I just w-wanted to… get _away_ from it all, from my – my own _children!_ What k-kind of m-mother does that?!"

He takes her chin in his fingers and tips her head back to look up at him, forcing her to meet his worried, moist gaze as he stares intently down at her, searing her skin with just a glance. " _Look_ at me, Padme," he says seriously. "You're **not** a bad mother. You're a _wonderful_ mother – what you're doing is so, _so_ amazing, Angel." A small smile pulls at his lips, and he brushes her hair away from her face tenderly. "It's _natural_ for you to want - to _need_ \- some time and space for yourself. You're _tired_. And, that's _okay_."

As always, Anakin knows _exactly_ what to say, and she gives him a weak, watery smile in return. "I'm sorry for yelling at you like that, Ani," she whimpers an apology, feeling sick to her stomach about how she reacted. He doesn't deserve that. It was entirely unfair and unprovoked. "I know it's not _your_ fault that you're away all the time. I just…" Padme rests her hands against his chest and blinks slowly up at him, trying to convey her feelings with her eyes. "I just miss you, Ani. I don't want to be a single mom here anymore. I can't do it. "

Pressing a kiss between her eyebrows, Anakin strokes her cheek gently. "If you want me to quit, just say so. Say the word, Angel, and I'm out. I'm _all_ yours. You and the twins are more important to me than any job."

She almost laughs at his suggestion. He can't really be serious, can he? _Leave the army?!_ He's a wonderful officer. He's well respected and is so good at his job – having climbed the ranks in Special Ops and be a Captain at twenty-three is such an _impressive_ achievement – almost unheard of - and she couldn't be _prouder_ of him, honestly. Besides, _what_ would he do with himself? Anakin loves his job. She knows he does. Who is _she_ to ask something so selfish? Just because she's being emotional?

"Ani, don't be ridiculous," she smiles up at him, cupping his jaw. "I couldn't ask you to do that. I'm just being silly. It's been a rough year…for _both_ of us." She sighs and bites her lip.

With a deep sigh of his own, he rests his forehead against hers and lets his hands drop to sit on her hips, keeping her flush against him. "I'm worried about you, Angel," he mutters quietly. "And, I'm _not_ the only one, either. I was talking to your mother and Sola earlier today, and Dorme, and Satine as well, and they _all_ tell me you've been _different,_ not yourself at all _,_ and very… _emotional_ , since the birth. Maybe… maybe you should see someone, Sweetheart? Talk things over and get some help?"

His offer is meant to be sweet, meant to be a way of showing how much he _cares_ about her, but Padme tenses up immediately and steps back from him. "What are you saying?!" she demands, her ego resurfacing to protect herself. "You think I'm some sort of helpless depressive maniac mother, is that it? You think I'm _unstable_?!" she snaps. "That I can't _possibly_ take care of myself or the babies on my own?!"

He takes her hands and steps forward, the shattered glass remnants crunching under his slippers, peering into her eyes with such a solemn expression that it makes her nervous. "No. I'm _not_ saying that at all. You're the strongest woman I know, Padme, because you've _had_ to be, and you're doing a _wonderful_ job raising our babies." With a small, beautiful smile, he gives her hands a quick squeeze, and she softens her demeanour just a little. "I just…I want you to be _happy_ , Sweetheart. That's **all** I want, and right _now_ , you're **not** happy. You're hurting, and you're miserable. And, it _hurts_ me to see you like this. _Because_ _I love you_." Before she has a chance to reply, he presses his lips to hers in a sweet kiss, so innocent and gentle, a reaffirmation of his words.

When they pull away, he's staring at her with those gorgeous, imploring, blue eyes of his, and she can't deny him even if she wanted to. They've always been her greatest weakness, his eyes. " _Please_ , Padme. If not for yourself, then do it for _me_?"

Padme hesitates and chews on her bottom lip. She _hates_ doctors, and shrinks fall under that category in her opinion. But, she can't deny the truth of his words any longer. She _hasn_ ' _t_ felt herself lately…if she's being truthful, it's been _months,_ almost _a year,_ really. Maybe Anakin is right. Maybe seeing a professional and talking things out, and even taking some medicine for a while _if_ necessary, will help her get her emotions in check?

With a short nod of her head, she sighs. "Alright, Ani. I'll do it. For _you._ "


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:** So, I'm going away today. Leaving Australia for the first time in my entire 21 years and I'm SO EXCITED! I really wanted to update more of my other stories before I left, but I was consumed with travel preparations, so this is all I have. Please enjoy! I'm off to get out of winter and soak up some Balinese sun! :D

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

 _It's a good morning for a run,_ Padme thinks to herself as she wakes and slowly stretches to her alarm at 5:30 am. Beside her, Anakin is softly snoring, oblivious to her pre-dawn alarm, which makes her smile, bemused at her husband's sleeping habits. There could be a tornado outside and he wouldn't even stir. The twins are _finally_ sleeping through the night now that they've started to switch them over from breastmilk to formula, and she's _far_ more rested than she was a few weeks ago, especially with her husband helping more with the twins now. To add to her relaxed state, she and Anakin have also slowly resumed intimacy and marital relations after she began counselling, at her therapist's urging, which - she has to admit - has done wonders for them both. Plus, the weather has been warming up lately, and now that it's the first week of April, it's the perfect time to exercise in the morning. For the first time in more than a year, she feels life is _good_.

With a determined glint in her eyes, she rolls out of bed, careful not to jostle her slumbering husband, and quickly dresses in a pair of dark grey running shorts, a loose, peach coloured tank with a racer back sports bra, and her New Balance joggers, before going to wake the twins.

They're a little disgruntled at being disturbed from sleep, but she changes their diapers, tucks them back into their sleepers, wraps them each in a blanket, eventually getting them to settle and carries them downstairs to the double stroller, strapping them in. Tying her hair back into a ponytail, she fastens her iPod around her arm and stretches her legs a little, to get herself warmed up. Padme feels motivated and energised, more so than she's felt in _months_ , even with all the training she's doing with Satine and their cross-fit group, and so she decides to make the most of this jubilant good mood.

She's been in counselling for just over two weeks now, having gone the very next day to get help after her breakdown in the middle of the night, and her therapist says that exercising (and...well, _sex_ ) is the _best_ medicine for her right now to combat the _baby blues_ she's dealing with. But, Padme feels boot camp twice a week is not nearly enough for her; so, she decided to take action by actually _running_. Though not a natural runner, or exerciser really, she's determined to give it a shot. For her _health_. She can do this! After all, they run laps at cross-fit. It's not that different.

The soft padding of bare feet down the stairs alerts her to her husband's presence, and she stands up from where she's tucking the diaper bag, her wallet, phone, and keys into the bottom of the stroller to face him, a broad smile on her face. "Morning, Honey," she greets him cheerfully with a sparkle in her eye, taking in his slightly dishevelled appearance – his half-hooded sleepy eyes, messy bed hair, bare muscled chest, and boxer shorts hanging low on his lean hips.

A bemused smile crosses his lips as he watches her, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen with his arms lazily folded across his chest. "Morning, Beautiful." She grins and shakes her head as he stifles a yawn.

He continues to watch her quizzically, as she fills up her water bottle and fixes two bottles of formula for the twins – she can feel his gaze heavy on her as she moves around the kitchen – and fixes him with a confused stare over her shoulder. "What?"

Anakin only laughs, shaking his own head at her. "What are you doing at this time of morning, Angel?"

With a shrug of her shoulders, Padme merely smiles serenely at him. "Going for a run."

Her husband's jaw drops, and his eyes almost pop out of his head, as he stares, wide-eyed at her, as though she has suddenly sprouted another head, and his expression makes her chuckle quietly. "Since when do _you_ run?"

It's akin to the reaction he'd given her when she'd told him about going to boot camp with Satine twice a week for the last three months. Really, he shouldn't be _that_ surprised. It's not like she hasn't been exercising or anything since the twins were born. Still, she can understand his shock. Padme has always _loathed_ running. She's a natural swimmer, at home in the water, but on dry land, she feels quite awkward. It's definitely not one of her favourite things to do. Anakin knows this, and he's _always_ teased her about it, ever since they were teenagers. He on the other hand, is a long distance runner, and exceptionally gifted at track and field, something he always found pleasure in lording over her, ever since high school when she would go to cheer him on at his varsity track meets.

"My therapist says I should exercise more," she explains casually. "So, I thought I'd go for a morning run a few times a week when the weather is good, you know? To clear my head. Besides, it'll help me with my cross-fit training, too."

Anakin is still gawking at her. "Sweetheart, it's a _Sunday_ ," he informs her, as though she isn't already aware of this, and the way he says it, like she's committed blasphemy or something for getting up this early on a Sunday, only serves to make Padme roll her eyes at him.

"Yes, Ani, it's a _Sunday_. And, it's a beautiful morning, so the twins and I are going to make the most of it. We'll be back later."

She's about to push the stroller out the front door when he asks, "May I join you?"

Padme stops and beams up at him. "Of course, Ani. But, it's a _Sunday_ ," she adds, unable to resist the opportunity to tease him.

Anakin's eyes sparkle at her taunt, his lips twitch into a smirk, and he shrugs his shoulders. "Well, I'm already awake now…thanks to _you_..."

"True," she grins impishly. "Well, hurry up and get ready then, Captain Skywalker. I want to leave before it gets too hot."

Chuckling under his breath, Anakin approaches her, bends and kisses her softly, capturing her lips gently, languidly, letting his hand skim up her back to caress the nape of her neck, angling her face for his kiss. With a contented sigh, Padme's eyes flutter closed, and she lets herself get lost in the feel of his lips, even if only for a moment. It's been _so_ long since he's kissed her like this – since she's _let_ him – and it's such a lovely, wonderful feeling.

When he pulls away, trailing his hand through her ponytail with loving affection and a gentle tug of her curls, she smiles up at him in surprise. "What was that for?"

A sweet, slow smile graces his lips, the kind of smile that she hasn't seen in years from him, the one that warms her from the inside out and leaves her certain, without a doubt, that he loves her totally and completely. "Because...I'm _proud_ of you, Angel," comes his whispered response. "I'm _so_ proud of you, of what you're doing, of being your husband. I love you so much."

A fierce blush rises in her cheeks, and she feels her vision mist over and ducks her eyes bashfully, overwhelmed with affection. She hides her emotion with banter, however, and smirks up at him, one eyebrow raised. "Clock's ticking, Anakin."

He grins, pecks her lips quickly and flashes her a wink. "I'm going, I'm going," he tells her through laughter, then runs upstairs, taking two steps at a time, and Padme watches his retreating form with a sly grin. Truly, she smirks to herself, her husband's butt is a _whole_ lot better than the other soldier's at cross-fit, _especially_ now that she's in the frame of mind to appreciate it!

Moments later, he reappears in the kitchen to get himself a bottle of water, dressed in black running shorts, a grey singlet and black ankle socks with his blue Nike's, carrying his wallet and cellphone, which he hands to her to put in the stroller tray with their waters, and she takes a moment, while he stretches, to appreciate how _great_ his well defined arms and back and legs look at the moment. As much as she dislikes the army, she can't deny that it keeps her husband in fantastic shape. He's tall, ruggedly handsome, and _hot as hell_ , and she feels so damn lucky that he's all _hers_.

As the first rays of the pinkish-orange sunrise break over the treetops, Anakin carries the sleeping twins in their stroller down the front porch steps, and they set off down the sidewalk, with Anakin offering to push the stroller first. They run for about three miles, at a slower pace than Anakin's used to, because Padme is not a confident runner or as athletic as he is...yet. Still, he doesn't seem to mind at all. They take turns, alternating pushing the stroller, and there's something so _nice_ about this. Padme can't explain it, not really, but it's comforting, to have her family with her like this, doing something as mundane as running through their neighbourhood. It leaves her incredibly happy when they're finished, despite the fact that she's exhausted and practically gasping for air. As expected, her husband simply looks annoyingly refreshed, like usual.

Both of them are hungry, after exercising on an empty stomach, and they stop at a nearby café on their way back home for a smoothie each; Padme chooses the mixed berry smoothie, and Anakin chooses the green. As they sit outside at one of the small tables beside the road, with the now fed and changed twins dozing peacefully in the stroller next to them, Padme grins across at her husband, leaning back in her wrought iron chair, incredibly pleased with herself. "I _can't_ believe I just did that!"

Anakin chuckles and reaches across the table to take her hand. "We should do it more often."

"Well, _yeah_ ," she nods enthusiastically. "I was thinking," she tilts her head to the right, squints her eyes and purses her lips, as she thinks it over, "maybe, three times a week?"

"That's not what I'm talking about, Angel. I'm meaning things like this…little dates and stuff. Y'know, going out, like we used to."

The suggestion makes her pause just a little and blink at him, a little shocked. _Dates?_ She can't remember the last time she and Anakin went on a date, like a real proper date. It had to have been before they were married. "You mean, like... _date night_?" she quirks an eyebrow.

He nods his head, clearly proud of his suggestion. "Yeah. We should pick a night, like once a week or every fortnight or whatever, and leave the twins with your folks, Ben and Satine, or even have Ahsoka come over to watch them at the house, and we go out and do something. Just the two of us. Like we used to. Nothing wrong with a man taking his beautiful wife out every now and then, is there?"

Once again, Padme realises just how _lucky_ she really is. Anakin is so sweet and thoughtful and romantic, and he treats her so well, and even though the separation is horrible when he's deployed, it's worth every second of loneliness just to be with him in moments like _this_. Positively beaming, she nods her head vigorously and gives his hand a quick squeeze. "I'd like that, Ani. It's been _years_ since we went on a date."

Eyes sparkling, he brings her hand up to his mouth and kisses her knuckles gently, rubbing his thumb in a soft caress on the inside of her wrist, sending a shiver down her spine. "I know. Do you remember our first date?" he arches his eyebrows and smirks.

Padme laughs, nodding her head. " _Of course_ , I do," she grins at the memory. "You took me bowling, and I _whooped_ your sweet ass!" she crows with delight.

Anakin rolls his eyes, coughs uncomfortably, and then fixes her with a stern glare. " _Excuse me?_ I let you win, Padme."

"Oh _please_ , Anakin," she rolls her eyes dramatically. "You did not. You sulked the entire car ride home when your mom picked us up." She could remember it so vividly, as though it was yesterday, when they were two awkward fifteen year olds, giggling and blushing over holding hands and kisses on cheeks.

"I did _not_ sulk!" Anakin protests firmly, crossing his arms, leaning back in his own chair, a petulant frown on his face. "I think a rematch is in order, Mrs. Skywalker," he declares suddenly, jaw set in a challenge, his blue eyes smouldering with a competitive fire, and Padme raises both of her eyebrows this time, her lips twitching.

" _Challenge accepted_ , Mr. Skywalker."

Leaning forward, they shake on it, before Anakin smugly replies, with an accompanying wink. "Let's see whose sweet ass gets whooped this time, Angel."


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note:** So, I'm back from my holiday! It was amazing, and a much needed break before university starts again next week! Updates for TGFH and I Know Your Type are in progress at the moment and should be finished in a few days. Since I'm going to be studying again, updates may not be a frequent as before, as I've got a full study load this semester, but I'll do what I can :) Hope you enjoy this little chapter.

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

"There's two bottles of formula already fixed in the fridge ready to be warmed, but _remember_ , when you fix the next bottles, add a small scoop of the baby oatmeal cereal, which is over here by the toaster, to each one before you mix them and feed them," she tells him as she carries Luke in her arms, walking around the kitchen and rattling off her list of things to remind Anakin about. It's her first day back at work since she's been out on maternity leave, and she's nervous.

 _Really_ nervous.

Because she has to leave the twins alone with Anakin for the first time. Padme hasn't been away from the twins for more than a few hours since their birth, but now she has to go an entire day. Of course, she _trusts_ her husband – Anakin is truly wonderful with the twins – but it's a big step for her. For _them._

Her therapist tells her this is a good experience for her, a good way for her to release some of that tightly held control and fully _trust_ that Anakin will be alright on his own with their children. Padme knows this, and agrees with her, but some things are still easier said than done.

"Make _sure_ they're not too hot when you warm them up, or you'll burn their mouths. Remember to _test_ each bottle first with a few drops on the inside of your wrist, like I showed you, before you give it to them," she continues as she double and triple checks the handwritten list she's left on the kitchen counter for him. Her husband watches her with a bemused, slightly exasperated expression on his face, but Padme ignores him. "Stop smirking, Anakin!" she growls at him in frustration, her eyebrows furrowed. "This is _important!_ "

"You don't have to worry, Padme," he assures her with a smile. "We'll be _fine,_ Sweetheart. Honest."

Ignoring him, she shakes her head and continues with her list. "Make _sure_ you put them down at 2 pm for their afternoon nap. If you don't, then they'll be terrors to deal with by supper time. Luke _can't_ sleep without his stuffed bear, so make sure he has it, or he'll cry. Watch Leia carefully. When she starts pulling her hair with her _right_ hand - _not_ her left - that means she's ready for her nap, no matter _what_ time it is. And – "

Anakin stops her with one hand on her shoulder, the other cradling Leia, and stares down into her eyes, lovingly, an amused grin on his face. "Angel, please. _Don't worry._ We'll be just fine. I promise."

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she bites her lip and nods her head. "Sorry, Ani" she mutters, a little ashamed. "I'm just…" her voice breaks off. Even though it's silly, she's afraid; afraid to be apart from her babies, afraid to leave them with Anakin, afraid of _something_ happening and her not being there.

"It's _alright_ , Sweetheart," Anakin smiles softly down at her and cups her cheek. "It's _natural_. You're leaving your babies for the first time."

Whimpering, Padme looks down at her baby boy, then over to her baby girl in her husband's arms, tears welling in her eyes. Her precious little angels. She doesn't _want_ to leave them. They need her, they need their mama, and _god_ knows she needs them. But, there's also a part of her that is excited about going back to work, about getting her _life_ back.

Of course, it's not the world's most exciting job, but it _does_ help pay the bills. Diapers and formula aren'tcheap- _especially_ when needed for two babies at the same time! Besides, it helps give her structure and routine, something the past six months have seriously lacked, and something her therapist feels she needs more of. Padme _likes_ to be organised and in control, and going back to work fits into that need for her.

And, it'll give her a break from 'mommy duty' for a bit, which is always nice.

"Alright," she nods her head firmly, blinking back her tears so that she can focus. "I know you _know_ my parent's numbers, but I've written Mom's cell number on here anyway, so if something _does_ happen, you can call her. The paediatrician's number is up here on the front of the fridge if you need it. And, I'm only thirty minutes away, but I can make that in fifteen if I need to."

He laughs and shakes his head at her, before bending down to press a kiss to her cheek. "Stop _stressing_ , Padme. We'll be fine. Trust me." He's right. _Of course_ , he's right. Padme smiles weakly up at him, trying to convey her full confidence in him, but it's clearly pathetic, for Anakin just laughs again. "Look, you'll be late for work if you keep fussing over everything. I've got this. I promise, _everything_ is going to be just fine, alright?"

With a deep sigh, Padme nods her head once more and retrieves her lunch box, her coffee mug, and her large, black purse, slinging it over her arm, and throwing her house keys and phone inside. "Alright. I'll see you tonight, Ani, okay? Remember, I'm taking your truck. So, you'll have my car in case you need to go anywhere, since it has their car seats in the back." She kisses him quickly on his lips, then draws her attention to her daughter, who blinks up at her with her large, dark brown eyes, so like her own. "Goodbye, pretty girl," she coos softly, stroking her fine, dark hair. "I won't be long, alright, Princess. I'll be home tonight." Kissing Leia's soft forehead, she then goes to head out of the front door.

Just as she opens the door, Anakin coughs and calls out her name. "Uh...Padme." Turning back around, she fixes him with a confused stare, wondering what he wants.

His eyes twinkle mischievously. "Our son," he says, inclining his head towards Luke, who is still nestled soundly in her left arm. Her eyes widen as she glances down at their son, as though she'd completely forgotten he was there, and she giggles, shakes her head, and walks back towards her husband. "Sorry," she blushingly apologises, meeting Anakin's amused smirk. Still, she doesn't want to let little Luke go, not yet. He's _so_ adorable and comfortable, nuzzled into her breast, and she enjoys having him there.

" _Padme_ … give me our son," Anakin demands light-heartedly, voice lit with amusement.

Grumbling a little, Padme reluctantly places Luke in her husband's free arm, then smooths out his golden hair fondly. "Bye, my beautiful boy," she whispers in total affection, bending down to kiss his forehead gently. "I love you, Lukie."

Anakin swoops down to kiss her one last time and bids her a 'good day' and then she walks out the front door. Stepping onto the front porch, she can't help but turn back around, to see her gorgeous little family, smiling back at her, and it fills her with an immense sense of joy.

 _I'm so lucky,_ she thinks to herself happily, then heads off down the front steps to the truck to drive off to work.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note:** Another little update for you. I was hit with inspiration so I decided to act upon it. I am absolutely swamped with assessment this semester (halp) so updates on all my stories will be very infrequent (though, I am a very good procrastinator, so we'll see). But I hope you enjoy this one.

 _ **Warning: Mature Content** (sorta). _

_Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

Padme yawns, stretches, and rolls over in their queen size bed, bleary eyes half open, as she admires the long, tanned, muscled plane of her husband's naked back laid out before her, as he sleeps on his side facing away from her. A soft smile curls her lips. They haven't had the luxury of lying in bed together, uninterrupted, the entire time he's been back home so far, and she decides to take _full_ advantage of the twins' continuing slumber. Reaching out with her hands, she snuggles flush up to Anakin's back, dancing her fingertips gently along his muscled arms and shoulders before wrapping around his strong chest. Her lips find solace against the exposed nape of his neck, and she presses a tender kiss there, then another, and another, relishing in showering him with loving affection like this.

She can see the little smirk that pulls at the corner of his mouth, and chuckles to herself silently, as he keeps his eyes shut, feigning sleep. He's a terrible actor, and he won'tbe able to contain himself for much longer, she knows. Still, Padme delicately ghosts her small dainty hands up and down his chest and flat belly lovingly, twirling her finger lightly in the trail of blonde curls beneath his navel, continuing to rain soft kisses over the skin of his shoulders, because this is the _first_ morning they've had where nothing else is occupying her time. For the moment, she is free to simply love her husband...and she fully intends to.

Anakin hums deep in his chest and takes hold of one of her hands, lacing his fingers with hers and gently squeezing them. He twists his head to look at her over his left shoulder, and Padme's heart constricts tightly at the adorable expression on his face. _Oh_ , how she loves watching him wake up, how his eyes blink slowly, trying to focus, and the way his mouth opens and closes several times before he's possessed by an incredible yawn that scrunches up his entire face, as he rolls his head around on the pillow and stretches. And, she _loves_ being what he wakes up to, loves holding him in her arms like this.

Stroking his hair softly, she smiles at him. "Good morning, Ani."

His only response is a muffled groan, and then he turns in her arms, wraps his own tightly around her middle, pulling her into his chest and burrows his head between her breasts, planting a soft kiss in the valley of her cleavage. Laughing, she continues to stroke his hair with one hand, letting the other run down his side, teasing the sharp line of his oblique muscle with her fingernail.

"Mmm." His weight is heavy on her chest as he lies partially on top of her and drapes his right leg across both of her legs, but Padme can't be bothered moving him. It feels… _nice_ , to have him this close to her. They haven't had a lot of time for quiet intimacy like this, of just snuggling together with one another without worrying about the children.

Anakin resettles himself, with her now his pillow, and falls back asleep after a few minutes. The way his mouth is open against her breast and his nostrils flare with each breath makes her smile down at him, filled with affection. In this moment, he looks _exactly_ like their son. While Padme is convinced that Leiais _definitely_ her father's daughter in her temperament, there are moments, usually relaxed moments like this, when she can see the uncanny resemblance between Anakin and Luke.

But, as sweet as it is, after a while, her back starts to hurt from the position she's in, and from Anakin's weight crushing her breasts. Now that she's no longer nursing, her breasts have shrunk back to their pre-pregnancy size, something that Padme had been quite thankful for, because it makes her exercising so much easier without – what _she_ refers to as – having two watermelons bouncing on her chest. Still, even though they are no longer tender and sore, they still hurt when being smothered by her husband.

"Ani…" she calls to him, and he stirs, shaking his head from side to side.

"Mmph…" comes his muffled protest, and he burrows his nose deeper into her cleavage.

"You're _heavy_ , Honey. You're squishing me," she tells him softly, pushing against his head.

Anakin, his eyes still closed, just rolls onto his side, pulling her over with him, his hands coming up to finger the skinny straps of her lacy nightgown, before he pushes one down her slender shoulder, letting her breast fall out. Instantly, he mouths at it wetly, before wrapping his lips and tongue around her nipple and suckling. Padme's eyes flutter closed on a soft moan, and she tips her head back a little, pushing her breast further into her husband's wet, warm mouth, eliciting a hungry growl from deep in his throat. A contented sigh slips past her parted lips. _Oh_ _yes_ , she's missed mornings like _this._

After tending to her breast for a few minutes, Anakin lazily drags his mouth up her chest and along her neck, tracing her skin with his tongue, leaving a series of wet kisses behind as he makes his slow ascent up towards her mouth. Once he reaches his destination, his hands drop lower, cupping her backside and pulling her hips flush against his, his fingers massaging her bottom, as he kisses her long and deep. Padme moans softly into his mouth and shifts her hips against the growing tent in his boxer shorts, her entire body tingling with the beginnings of arousal.

"Morning, my Angel," he mutters through kisses.

Carding her fingers through his short, blonde hair, she hitches her left leg up over his hip, effectively grinding her moist center against his now hardened length, craving friction and release. "Mmm," she lets out a breathy gasp. "I could certainly get used to _this_ every morning."

Anakin chuckles, the sound reverberating from his body to hers and ducks his head to suck at the pale column of her throat. "Yeah?" His hand glides over her hip, underneath the hem of her nightgown and slips into her panties, swiping eagerly along her wetness. "Fuck, you're so wet, Baby," he groans into her skin, voice strained with raw _need._

Padme bucks her hips, urging him on, when suddenly, the piercing cries of their daughter come through the baby monitor beside the bed. Sighing, she goes to move away, but Anakin keeps hold of her, his fingers still stroking her wetness preventing her from going anywhere.

"Ani…" she huffs, shaking her head at him, an amused smile on her face. "Leia's awake."

He cups her breast with his other palm, squeezing it gently and buries his nose into the side of her neck, stifling a grumble into her undone hair. "She'll be fine for a few minutes. I'll be quick, Angel. Promise"

Padme slaps him lightly on the shoulder, though she can't help but laugh. She knows just how _quick_ her husband can be. "Anakin Skywalker! She is your _daughter!_ "

When he pulls back to look up at her, she almost drowns in his blue eyes. "And you're my _wife,"_ he argues, his look full of heatand practically _molten._

"Ani!" she pouts at him, raising an eyebrow, and he sighs, nods his head and then climbs off of her.

"Alright, m'going," he grumbles, bending down and pecking her lips gently before standing and stretching his limbs. "You stay right where you are, Mrs. Skywalker. Don't move. I'll be back in a minute."

With a slow, sultry smile, Padme drapes herself back against the pillows and stretches out her body with a sort of feline grace, a wicked gleam in her eyes. "I'll be waiting, Ani."

He grins ferally and shoots her a wink, his eyes dark with desire, and then disappears into the nursery, and Padme closes her eyes, her body buzzing with happiness. She can hardly _wait_ for Anakin to return, so they can spend the rest of the morning making slow, sweet love to each other. They haven't had morning sex in _so_ long, that, frankly, she's forgotten how _sweet_ it can be.

Lying in bed, contemplating his return, Padme listens over the baby monitor to her husband's adorable interactions with their twins as he talks to them in a deep sing-song voice while changing diapers and feeding them their bottles. Honestly, he's _so_ wonderful with their children, and Padme can't help but smile.

Ten minutes later, Anakin is in the doorway of their room, only this time, he's not alone. In his arms, is little Leia, holding onto her father's thumb with her tiny little grip. The look on his face is so endearing, and he smiles sheepishly at Padme, adorably guilty. "Sorry, Sweetheart. We've got company."

With a broad smile, realizing their romantic interlude is over for now, Padme sits up and fixes her nightgown, before patting the bed beside her. Anakin climbs in bed and sits beside her, cradling his daughter tightly to his chest. Seeing her husband holding their children is the _most_ beautiful thing she's ever witnessed. He's never looked more attractive to her than right now, gazing upon his baby girl with lovesick, gooey eyes.

"You're hopeless, Ani," Padme shakes her head and chuckles, stretching across to kiss his cheek.

He gulps, trying to defend himself. "She didn't want to go back to sleep!" he insists. "Every time I went to put her in her crib, she'd start to cry."

Glancing down at her husband's arms, Padme strokes her daughter's head softly and kisses her forehead. "You've got your daddy wrapped around your little finger! Don't you, pretty girl?" she coos softly. "How's Lukie?"

"Fed, changed, and back to sleep," Anakin tells her with a proud smile.

"Good," she nods her head, then shuffles into Anakin's side and rests her head on his shoulder.

Mornings like _this_ are also just as wonderful, she decides.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note:** This week, my workload has been a little lighter, so I've been able to write a bit more, but for the next two months, I've got two assessments due every week! So, even though I've done this to death, I apologise for slow updates in the future. I wanted to write a moment just dedicated to Anakin and how important his family is to him because it's an integral part of this story. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this.

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide_

 _..._

"Happy Father's Day, Ani!" Padme announces cheerfully, watching through her phone as she snaps a photo of her husband's first Father's Day. This day is _so_ special for Anakin, and Padme has gone all out to make it a wonderful day for him to remember, just as he did the same for her on Mother's Day last month.

Just before sunrise, well before the twins would wake, she woke him with soft kisses all over his face and then proceeded to give him a full body massage with heated oil, a talent her grandmother had imparted to her as a teenager, which led to a slow and sweet lovemaking session that left them both sated and breathless. Leaving him in bed to snooze, a delighted smile on his face, Padme had then gone downstairs and happily prepared her husband a lovely breakfast of several of his favourite morning foods, which she then took great pleasure in serving him in bed, much to his pleasant surprise. Insisting she share breakfast with him, they'd enjoyed a quiet meal together in bed over coffee, having enough time for a quiet post-breakfast snuggle before the twins woke for the day.

Now, after a nice picnic lunch Padme had prepared of fresh fruit, homemade sandwiches and several pieces of her infamous chocolate brownie that she'd baked the day before, he's sitting cross-legged in his khaki Dockers shorts and navy blue Izod shirt on their old tartan picnic blanket. Nestled under an old oak tree in the park a few blocks from their house, they're enjoying the warm sunny summer weather. He has a twin in each arm, beaming widely from ear to ear, as he glances down at their precious babies.

The look on his face is so stunning, so _raw_ and beautiful, that her heart clenches in his chest. _Nothing_ is more attractive to her than watching him interacting with their children. Despite never knowing his own father, Anakin takes fatherhood in his stride. He's absolutely _wonderful_ as a father, the very best father Padme could ask for, for their children, and she's filled with immense pride that _she_ gets to call him her husband.

"Could you look at the camera, please," she sighs, shaking her head, a fond smile upon her lips. "I want a nice one for the mantle." Anakin is too busy to comply, cooing down at Luke, waggling his fingers with this overly expressive grin on his face that morphs into mock-astonishment. It causes Luke to laugh, the most _exquisite_ sound Padme has ever heard in the world. It bubbles out of her happy, little boy, high-pitched and airy, and she momentarily forgets that she's _supposed_ to be taking pictures, instead, just watches the interaction with moist eyes.

Because she's her father's daughter and doesn't like _not_ being the center of attention, Leia reaches out with her chubby little arms for her daddy, gurgling at him almost _petulantly_ , vying for his attention. Chuckling, Anakin grins and winks over at Padme, before lowering his head so his nose touches their baby girl's, and he nuzzles her adorably. Padme quickly takes advantage of such an adorable moment, clicking away on her phone to record the precious image of father and daughter together.

"You getting jealous, little Princess?" he whispers softly, a dopey grin on his face. "Don't worry, Sweetie, Daddy loves you too, baby girl. Daddy loves _both_ of his precious little angels, yes he _does_." His eyes are shining in the June sunlight, like chips of brilliant topaz, as he flicks them back and forth between his children.

It's the sweetest thing Padme has _ever_ seen, and she decides to quickly switch her phone from camera mode to video mode, so she can fully capture this special moment. She's so _thankful_ he gets to have _this_ day with his family before he's deployed. They will miss their anniversary again, _and_ he'll miss the twins' first birthday plus their second Christmas, but at least they have this day together _._ This special moment, as a family.

"Come here, Angel," he says suddenly, and she nods and crawls over to his side, sitting slightly behind him, resting her hands on either side of his hips, as she curls her body to the side around him. Her chin rests against his shoulder, and he twists his head to kiss her temple softly, before returning his gaze to the little cooing bundles in his arms.

"I'm _so_ goddamn lucky," he mutters aloud. Placing the twins gently down in front of him on the picnic blanket, both of them on their backs, he takes hold of Luke's tiny little fist and reaches down to stroke Leia's belly affectionately.

Dropping a kiss to the base of his neck, Padme slides her hands around his waist, clasping them in his lap. "We're pretty lucky to have _you_ too, Ani."

He turns to face her then. "I'm being serious, Padme. You three are what keep me sane when I'm away. Just thinking about coming home to you – " he chokes up, and coughs, and Padme gives him a watery smile and nuzzles into the crook of his shoulder. " – it's what keeps me _alive,_ what keeps me _going_ when it gets tough."

It hurts to hear him talk like that, because she _hates_ it when he goes overseas on long deployments, even though she knows it's his job. The thought of him never coming back to her is her _worst_ nightmare, and she doesn't even want to _think_ about it. "Shhh," she hums against him. "Let's not talk about that right now, alright? This is a happy moment, Ani."

Anakin takes her chin between his fingers and lifts her head to meet his lips in a languidly sweet kiss, before pulling back and running his hands gently through her curly hair, which she wore loose and flowing down her back just like he likes it. Her favourite smile of his is on his face, and it makes her heart clench tightly in her chest. Before she becomes overwhelmed with emotion, she shuffles out from behind him and lies down on her stomach next to Leia, taking her chubby little wrists in her hands. Anakin follows suit, sprawling out beside Luke, and the two young parents spend the rest of the lazy, Sunday afternoon focused solely on their twins, on their family.

It's Father's Day, after all, and it should be spent with their children. It's a special day they will always remember.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note:** So, I've been sick for a few weeks and suffering from a terrible case of writer's block! *story of my life*. But, at least I've got something, right? Sorry for taking so long to update. I'm not sure when the next chapter for any of my stories will be ready, but I'm working on it :) Have patience!

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

It's the phone call that Padme had been dreading for _months_. The one from the daycare center that announces one of her children has a terrible fever and needs to be picked up. It's Tuesday, just after 1 pm, and Padme is busy typing out a long dictation for her boss when her cellphone starts vibrating on her desk. She answered it slightly irritably, not glancing at the caller ID, expecting it to be her sister or something. But, when the daycare worker explained that Luke had come down with a terrible fever and she needed to pick both him and Leia up immediately, she instantly went on alert.

"Yes, alright. I'll be there as soon as I can," she assures the worker through the phone, then hangs up and rushes into her boss's office.

He looks up at her as she knocks on the door and inclines his head for her to sit down. "Padme. What can I do for you?" he says with a kind smile.

Bail Organa is possibly the most understanding boss in the entire workforce, for when Padme explains her situation, he immediately lets her off work early. He knows that Anakin is away on deployment again and that she has two little twins she puts in day care every Tuesday and Wednesday, and he is sympathetic. Tears pricking her eyes, she reaches across the desk to shake his hand, eternally grateful, before racing out of his office, stopping long enough to grab her coat, phone, lunchbox, and purse, before dashing into the corridor and heading for the elevator.

Unfortunately, it seems luck isn't on her side, for when she eventually reaches her car, it won't start. No matter how many times she turns the key in the ignition, _nothing_ works. Cursing her misfortune, she slams her fists against the steering wheel, right on the horn which echoes loudly in the carpark, and she leans forward, hopelessly. Of course, today of _all_ days, her car decides to break down. It's _not_ what she needs right now. If only Anakin were here…he is a _genius_ when it comes to mechanics. He could fix it in a heartbeat.

Just as she's about to call her mother, someone taps on her window. She jumps in shock and glances up to see a dark haired man peering through her window. It's Rush Clovis, the accountant from her building. They haven't had a lot of interaction at work, but they've said the occasional 'Hi', to each other when passing in the corridors.

Winding down her window, she smiles politely at him. "Hello, Rush."

"Are you alright, Padme?" he asks, his green eyes narrowing in concern.

She sighs in irritation, her shoulders visibly slumping. "My car won't start, and I've got to go pick up my twins from day care. My little boy has got a fever and needs to go to the doctor."

Rush nods his head, listening to her dilemma, then offers, "I could give you a lift, if you need? Would that help?"

The offer takes her by surprise, and she instantly rejects it. "Oh no, I wouldn't want to be a nuisance," she begins, but Rush just shakes his head and smiles at her kindly.

"It's no trouble, Padme. I'm on my lunch break anyway. I don't mind."

She bites her lip, unsure whether to take him up on his offer. It _is_ very kind of him to offer to help her out like this, but she doesn't want to impose. "I…I would need my car seats…"

"Of course. No problem," Rush nods once more. "I can help you."

Swallowing, she beams up at him, eternally grateful and opens her door. "Thank you _so_ _much_ , Rush. Really. This is so very kind of you. I appreciate it."

He dismisses her gratitude with a friendly wave of his hand, insisting it's nothing, and assists her with removing the twins' car seats from the backseat of her car to Rush's much larger SUV. Once they're strapped in, Padme slides into the passenger seat and directs him to the daycare center.

"Thank you, Rush. Truly," Padme says again, unable to fully express how much this small act of kindness means to her. And, from a near stranger, too. "It's so hard to do this on my own sometimes, with my husband being away. I feel like I rely too much on my sister and mother, already."

Rush nods his head, a small smile on his lips. "It's not a problem, Padme. When does your husband come back?"

Her expression falls at the thought of Anakin. "He's in the military. He's away on an overseas deployment. He comes back in five months."

"Oh, that must be tough. I'm sorry. Does he go away often?"

Her teeth sink into her lip. Since they've been married, Anakin has spent more time away overseas than he has in their own house, and that fact makes her feel miserable. It's not _right._ He's her husband, he's the father of her children. He should be _home_ , helping her to raise their family. But, she can't resent _him_. It's his job. It's what he loves to do. What kind of wife would she be if she didn't support him?

"Yes," she mutters softly. "He's home for maybe six months, at the most usually, then he's deployed again. It's very… _taxing_ , especially now. With the twins."

Then, Rush's hand unexpectedly reaches across to take hers, and gives it a comforting squeeze. As surprising as the gesture is, Padme can't help but appreciate it. It's… _nice_. "I'm sorry, Padme," he says seriously. "That sounds really tough. If you ever need anything, I'd been more than happy to help."

His generosity is _too_ much, and Padme doesn't know what to say. So, she does what she can. "That means a lot. I owe you one, Rush. Thanks."

They pull up at the daycare, and Padme rushes inside to see Luke. He's running a dreadful fever and can't stop coughing, and it breaks her heart to see her happy little boy so sick. She scoops him up in her arms, the daycare worker following close behind with Leia, and Rush instantly jumps out of the SUV and opens the door for her so she can strap the twins into their car seats. Leia is whimpering softly, no doubt upset that her brother is unwell – Padme is determined they have some sort of _twin bond_ , because they are acutely attuned to each other's emotions and wellbeing.

Rush drives them to the pediatrician's office near her house. He offers to wait for her, but Padme _insists_ that her mother will be able to pick them up and take them home. Shrugging good-naturedly, he helps her with her car seats and escorts her into the medical center, then tells her he hopes her son will be alright and bids her a good rest of the day.

Just as he's about to leave, Padme stops him. "I'm sorry for ruining your lunch break," she says with a grimace. "How about I make it up to you and take you out to lunch some time. As a proper thank you?"

His lips crack into a smile, and he nods. "That would be lovely, Padme. Thank you."

Padme sighs happily as she watches him leave. She's not exactly sure, but she believes she's just made a new friend.


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note:** HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE my lovely readers! (it's New Year's Eve here in Australia right now!) I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a relaxing holiday. It's been so unbelievably hot at home right now *oh how I wish I could experience a white Christmas for once* so I've been cooped up at home under the fan, writing! I hope you enjoy this little snippet! Much love xx

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide_

 _..._

"Thank you _so_ much, again, for all your help the other day, Rush," Padme gushes for about the third time during their lunch together. She just can't believe his kindness, and wants to make sure he understands how touched she was by it.

Rush flashes her a kind smile that makes his green eyes crinkle. "It wasn't a problem, Padme. I've already told you that. _Really._ You don't have to keep thanking me. I was glad I could help."

She picks at her Caesar salad with her fork and laughs softly. "I know. It's just… Anakin's almost never home, and my sister has her own family, my parents are busy, too, and I just feel so… _alone_ sometimes." Her face grows sad, her eyes downcast, as she realises just _how_ lonely she is. Of course, she has her twins, whom she just _adores,_ but with Anakin deployed again overseas, Dorme halfway across the world on vacation with her latest fling, and Sola busy with her own life, Padme has no one her own age to keep her company. Of course, she can call on Satine any time she likes, but there's a small part of her brain that worries that she's being _annoying_ , or too _clingy,_ and Padme hates to be a bother.

With a small nod of his head, Rush sighs. "I know how you feel… well, sort of. Of course, I don't have two babies to look after," he adds with a chuckle, "but it can still get pretty lonely… sometimes."

Padme tilts her head to the side in confusion. "Do you not have a special someone to go home to?" she asks, a little surprised, because really, Rush is _so_ incredibly sweet, and he's really quite attractive, too, she has to admit. His tall, lean physique, short dark hair and green eyes give him a sort of mysterious, brooding look that is really very handsome. Even though she's very happily married, Padme's not _blind._

Rush shakes his head, looking forlorn. "Unfortunately not. At least, not _yet_ anyway."

"Oh." It's all she can say. How can a man as nice as Rush Clovis be single? Surely, there are loads of women queuing up to date him? Especially if they knew what he had done for her when Luke had been sick! He is a perfect gentleman, in Padme's eyes.

"It's not _all_ bad," he assures her, quickly, as though he doesn't want her to think he's weak or something, which Padme finds a little heartbreaking. "But, when you come home dateless _every_ Christmas, and your mother starts to cry about never being a grandmother, it can get a little wearisome." There's the faintest of smiles upon his lips, but Padme can see the pain in his green eyes. _The poor man,_ she thinks to herself.

"Don't worry," she says brightly, in an attempt to cheer him up. "The right girl will come along for you when you least expect it and sweep you off your feet!"

A strange expression briefly crosses his face, and he gives her a sweet smile. "Yeah. Maybe." There's _something_ in the way he's looking at her that makes her hair on her neck stand on end for a moment and makes her frown _just_ a little. A tiny warning voice in the back of her head reminds her that that's the same way _Anakin_ looks at her sometimes, but she quickly shoves that thought aside. Rush Clovis is a _gentleman_ , in every sense of the word. He _knows_ that she's happily married with two infant children. He wouldn't _dare_ make a move on her. She's sure of it.

" _Padme?!_ "

Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a very familiar voice calling her name, and she quickly looks up to see her sister standing there, right beside their table in the small little café.

"Sola!" she exclaims in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

Her sister waves her hand flippantly. "Oh, I'm just meeting Darred here for a quick lunch. He's on his break soon, and his office isn't far from here, y'know. What are _you_ doing here?" Sola's eyes narrow to slits as she turns her head and focuses in on Rush, and then returns her pointed gaze back to Padme, her arms crossing over her chest.

"Sola, this is Rush Clovis. He's an accountant in my building. Rush, this is my sister, Sola." Padme introduces them pleasantly, but Sola merely inclines her head curtly at the man.

"Nice to meet you," she mutters, her voice insinuating the _exact_ opposite. "Padme, can I talk to you for a second. Family stuff?" She motions with her head to the opposite side of the restaurant where the restrooms are.

"Uh, sure." More confused than ever, Padme politely excuses herself and then follows her sister into the ladies' restroom. Once they are alone, Sola whirls around and glares at her and crosses her arms over her chest again.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?!" Sola growls through gritted teeth.

Bewildered, Padme furrows her brow and shakes her head in confusion. "What are you talking about, Sola?"

With an exaggerated eye roll, Sola scowls. "Going out to lunch with _another man?!_ While Anakin's away overseas?! How could you _do_ this to him, Padme?!"

"Do _what?!"_ she exclaims in exasperation, waving her arms wide, more confused than ever.

" _CHEAT ON YOUR HUSBAND?! That's what!"_ Sola all but screams at her, her face red with fury.

It takes a second for Padme's mind to register what she's hearing. Cheat on Anakin? Is _that_ what Sola thinks this is? The idea is absolutely absurd! Padme can't even _dream_ of ever being with another man but her Ani! She _loves_ Anakin with everything she has, everything she _is!_ He's her husband, her lover, her best friend, the father of their children… the love of her life! She would _never_ betray his love and trust in her like _that!_ The thought makes her want to be physically sick.

Taking a deep breath, she shakes her head, looks her sister straight in the eye and calmly replies, "Sola, Rush helped me out last week when Luke had a high fever and needed to be picked up from day care right away. My car broke down and wouldn't start. Rush was just leaving work himself and so he drove me to day care to get the twins and then to the paediatrician, where he dropped me and the kids off and then Mom came and picked us up and took us home while Dad went and took care of my car . So, out of gratitude, I'm merely thanking him by taking him out to lunch. That's _all_ this is! I would _never_ cheat on Anakin. _Never!_ I can't believe _you_ , of all people, would think that of me!" Padme couldn't hide the hurt or the anger in her voice.

Dropping her head in her hands, her sister sighs, shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry, Padme," she mutters, clearly embarrassed. "Just, I saw you two being all chummy together, laughing and smiling, and I jumped to conclusions."

"Rush is _just_ a friend, Sola. Nothing more," Padme implores, crossing her arms firmly.

With a weak smile, Sola reaches out ,rests her hand on her Padme's shoulder and looks her sister in the eye. "Have you told _him_ that? Because, I dunno...the _look_ on his face as he watched you was..."

Padme exhales sharply through her nose, altogether entirely sick of having this conversation. "He _knows_ I am a happy married woman. He _knows_ about Anakin. Rush wouldn't _dream_ of making a move on me, Sola. He's a gentleman."

Blue eyes still narrowed in suspicion, Sola sighs. "Alright. I trust your judgement."

"Thank you," Padme snaps irritably. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I would like to go finish my lunch."

As she brushes brusquely past her sister, Sola touches her wrist gently. "Just…be _careful_ , Sis."


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note:** Another little snippet for you. Hope you enjoy! It'll still be a while until Anakin comes back home, but, then again, that _is_ the plot of this story. Have patience, my young Padawans :)

 _Please review! :)_

* * *

 _look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide_

 _..._

Nothing is going right for Padme today. Absolutely _nothing._ It started when she overslept this morning because she forgot to set her alarm last night when Leia threw an hour-long tantrum just before bedtime. The twins are teething, and screaming tantrums have become something of a common occurrence of late in the Skywalker household because of it, and to top it all off, her babies just _aren't_ cooperating this morning, and it's driving her up the wall.

She was _supposed_ to leave the house fifteen minutes ago to head over and drop the twins off at the daycare center before she goes to work, but while Luke is now fed and calmly sipping from his bottle in his highchair holding his favorite stuffed _Tigger,_ Leia decides to have a tantrum at breakfast and throws her baby cereal _everywhere_ – splattering it all over the floor, her highchair, _herself_...and getting it _all_ over Padme and her work clothes. Totally exasperated by this point, Padme has to lift both twins out of their high-chairs and dash upstairs where she deposits them in the playpen she has set up in the corner of her bedroom. Turning on the DVD player, she popped in _Winnie the Pooh_ (the twins' current favorite video) to keep them occupied while she has to take _another_ fast shower, redress in a clean work outfit, and then redo her hair and makeup, then carries the twins into the nursery to clean Leia up and get _her_ changed into clean clothes too, before going back downstairs, a twin on each hip, and starting the _whole_ process all over again with Leia.

It's a nightmare.

Luke is now wailing at the top of his lungs from his spot on the floor beside his mother's chair because he wants her attention, clinging to Padme's leg as she tries again and again to feed Leia her breakfast, but her baby girl won't have _any_ of it. Not today. _Every_ time she moves in with the spoon with the baby cereal, Leia turns up her nose and screws up her tiny face in a grumpy pout, twisting her head to the side to avoid eating the cereal.

"C'mon, Sweetie," she pleads desperately with her daughter as she, once again, zooms forward with the spoon making aeroplane motions and noises in an attempt to entice Leia to take a bite. "Work with me, Princess... _please,_ Leia?! Mommy's gotta go to work!"

Once again, she comes in with the spoon, arranging her facial features into mock surprise, but _this_ time, Leia shakes her head stubbornly, arches her back in the chair, pushing at the locked tray of her highchair, and cries out, "No!"

At first, Padme is shocked and simply pauses, mid-aeroplane, and stares at her daughter incredulously, her mouth hanging open. She blinks her eyes a few times as she takes in what's just happened. Leia said _'no'?_ She actually _spoke!_ Her very first word! Padme is utterly stupefied... and overjoyed at the same time.

Suddenly, a _huge_ smile breaks out on her face, and she drops the spoon onto the tray with a clatter, beaming at Leia with tears welling up in her eyes and takes her chubby little hands in hers. "Leia! Sweetie! You _spoke!_ " It's impossible to describe, the utter _joy_ that fills Padme at hearing her daughter's first word. "Can you say it again for me, Princess?"

Leia frowns, tilts her chin to her chest, fisting one hand up into her hair to clutch her curls, her full lips pressing together in a pout. _"No!"_

Padme squeals with delight and leans in to shower her baby girl with kisses all over her chubby little cheeks and tiny nose. She _can't_ believe it! Her daughter's first _word!_ Of course, it's extremely fitting that the first word Leia ever utters is _'No'_ , because she's as stubborn as her father is, but Padme couldn't care less!

Her little girl is growing up!

Only nine months ago, she remembers going into labour and delivering her precious babies and now they're _talking!_ Well, Leia is at any rate. It'll be Luke's turn next.

But, as joyful an occasion as it is, there's a dark cloud of misery hanging over it, too. Because, once again, Anakin isn't here to witness it. Not only did his miss their birth, the first time they sat up by themselves, their first teeth, _and_ learning how to crawl, but _now_ he's missed Leia's first word. So many milestones, and their daddy wasn't here for _any_ of them.

Padme didn't even have the foresight to capture the moment for him on video because she simply hadn't been expecting it. Biting her lip, she sniffs back her tears and shakes her head, determined not to let how much she misses her beloved husband cloud this truly momentous occasion. She should be happy, excited, _proud_... not miserable.

"Maybe we'll have to Skype Daddy and show him your new word, Sweetie," Padme whispers forlornly to her daughter, tears brimming in her eyes, and she leans in and kisses the dark curly hair lying on her daughter's brow, though she knows such a thing will be difficult, if not impossible, to do. Anakin's out on yet _another_ extended mission, and she hasn't had _any_ contact with him in well over a month now, and unfortunately, she has no way of knowing _when_ she can contact him again. The secrecy of his position means _he_ has to contact _her_ to let her know when he's returned to base camp, and she honestly has _no idea_ how long it will be before she hears from him. The last time he was out on an extended mission like _this_ , he was gone almost four months.

But this morning she realises that breakfast just _isn't_ going to happen with her daughter, when Leia reaches up with her arms, grunting and begging to be taken out of the highchair, and so Padme obliges and lifts her out, resting her on her hip. Beside her on the floor, Luke makes the same motions toward her with his arms, accompanied by a series of unintelligible gurgles. Smiling down at him, Padme squats and picks him up too, so both her babies are in her arms, one on each hip.

Luke coos and blows bubbles happily, reaching up to pat his chubby hand against her cheek, and Padme silently wonders _when_ Luke will say his first word. She fervently hopes beyond hope that Anakin will at least be present for _that._


End file.
